THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 1 [Opening scene : White. As the camera gains focus we see we are looking at some sort of hangar, with a white floor and white walls. Our only sense of depth results from occasional black letters on the wall, and from shadows cast by the large number of white boxes arranged neatly on the floor. Each box measures about 2.5 meters high with a 1 meter by 1 meter cross-section, and is featureless, save for a door that takes up most of one side. Each box stands in a black square. Other similar squares can be seen with no box inside. The hangar is bustling with activity. Men and women in white uniforms walk to and fro. Occasionally one will enter a box through the door, which opens inward, and soon after the door closes, the box will emit an electronic hum and fade away. Likewise, boxes occasionally fade into empty spaces and passengers exit. Cut to one such empty space. With an electronic hum, a box appears. The door opens and Daved steps out. He is about 6 feet tall, with blonde hair that looks like it was combed this morning but has since gotten restless. He looks very young, but his expression is one of experience. He wears a white two-piece uniform: a white top pulled over white slacks tucked into white boots. On his left chest is the only color on his uniform, a small yellow bar. On his right wrist he wears what appears to be a golden digital wristwatch with a circular face. He wears a belt, and fastened to the belt on his right hip is a golden oblong object about 15 centimeters in length. Set into the outward facing side, near the lower end, are three jewels in a triangle. Daved closes the door and leaves the hangar. Cut to a huge rectangular vertical shaft which appears bottomless. In fact it is. Along the side of the shaft are various levels, bustling with activity. Zoom in on Daved, as he reaches the edge of the shaft and enters an automated aircar.] AIRCAR Please choose level. DAVED 9817. [The car leaves the edge and descends. From inside, Daved watches as signs with the level numbers on them zip by: 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 9999 9998... after which they are going by too fast to read. Cut to a large set of white doors. They automatically open as Daved approaches, and he enters an outer office which is completely abandoned except for a female secretary.] DAVED The administrator wanted to see me? SECRETARY Your name? Oh! You must be Daved! [She presses a button on the desk] Sir, Daved is here. You can go in, he's expecting you. DAVED Thank you. [Daved walks past the secretary into an inner office. The secretary stares after him. The inner office could be mistaken for a 20th century office, save for the white walls and the fact that instead of windows there are an incredible array of viewscreens. The administrator, dressed in an all-white business suit and tie with a blue bar on his left chest, shakes hands with Daved.] ADMINISTRATOR Welcome, Daved. Won't you have a seat? [Daved sits] DAVED Sir, I, uh, wasn't informed about the nature of this meeting. Is this about the Zartu case? ADMINISTRATOR Oh, no, no -- I read your report on that and everything seems to be in order. In fact, our scouts report that several alliances seem to have been forged as a result of the Princess' suicide. So it may not have been that bad of an event. [Daved winces, and the administrator notices.] I'm sorry, I said that wrong. I understand she was, uh, a friend of yours. DAVED Sir, why am I here? ADMINISTRATOR I have an assignment for you. DAVED Then why not just relay it to my MUTT? Why summon me to Universe Ten? ADMINISTRATOR Because this is no ordinary assignment. It is my personal policy when giving as assignment as dangerous as this one to meet the Traveller face-to-face. Let me show you what this is about. [Grabs a remote control and walks over to one of the larger screens.] Let me show you what a team of Technicians and Scouts have been working on for over 20 real-years. [He clicks the remote control. On the screen, a pattern of very closely spaced horizontal lines appears. In the middle is a large fuzzy circle obscuring most of the center of the screen. To the right of the obscured region there is a noticeable gap in the lines.] DAVED What is that? ADMINISTRATOR This is the area surrounding universe 6.182947. It explodes violently about 17 billion years into its existence. For the past two real- decades we've been trying to determine the cause of the explosion and whether or not it can be prevented. As you can see from this scan, a region 20 years in radius has been obscured by the tachyon radiation thrown out by the event. In fact, the tachyons are obscuring neighboring unverses as well, making it all the more necessary that we deal with this problem, if it indeed can be dealt with. Now, this is just a low resolution scan. High resolution event scans have proven *utterly* useless. After years of trying and failing to find a way to cut through the static, the only option was to send Scouts into the region to take tachyon readings and try to nail down the exact time and place of the event. DAVED Isn't that dangerous? I mean if they can't see where they're going-- ADMINISTRATOR Of course it's dangerous! We've lost 12 Scouts already. [pause. Daved is shocked.] The last one seemed to have found the exact time and planet on which the event takes place. Unfortunately, before we could verify the accuracy of his readings... [The Administator walks back to his seat and sits down.] I want you to understand you're under no obligation to take this assignment. DAVED I'll take it. I don't want anymore green Scouts dying before they get a chance to be promoted. ADMINISTRATOR Very idealistic of you, Daved. It's going to take more than that to solve this problem, I'm afraid. We can give you a time and a planet and that's it. You're on your own. You not only have find where the event takes place, you have to determine *what* it is. Even if you do that, you may not be able to solve the problem. You're our top Traveller, Daved. I don't want you killing yourself because you feel sorry for some kids. They all knew what they were getting into. DAVED I'll take it, sir. What was the time and planet of the event? ADMINISTRATOR [sighs] I don't know exactly. The planet was called Lenorica, the year was called 2142 in the AD system. Exact coordinates will be sent to your MUTT. [pause] You're certain about this? DAVED I'm certain, sir. Will that be all? ADMINISTRATOR Yes. [They rise and shake hands again. Daved turns to leave.] No, wait. [Daved turns around] You should know that the Administrator's council voted against this. I'm sending you on my personal authority as your immediate superior. DAVED They voted against sending a Traveller, or they voted against sending *me*? ADMINISTRATOR Well, the Council seems to think both options are identical. It's their opinion that you are the only Traveller with a better than even chance of solving this. DAVED I'm glad to see they have so much faith in the rest of the Traveller Corps. ADMINISTRATOR They have very rational reasons for believing as they do, which I won't get into here. As you probably know, you're being groomed for a special purpose. We can't afford to lose you now. Members of the Council have even proposed shelving you until your Prime Mission. How do you think you got that yellow bar on your chest? DAVED What? ADMINISTRATOR Didn't you find it a bit odd that you were promoted directly from a 1-Green officer to a 1-Yellow instead of getting a second green bar? There aren't many yellow officer Travellers out there, you know. DAVED They were hoping I would retire? ADMINISTRATOR It was meant as a hint. One which you didn't take, as I knew you wouldn't. Hell, they could give you a blue bar and you probably would still travel. Now, if anything happens to you, I will be in it deep. And face it Daved, you do have a habit of getting involved. The Council is afraid that when the time comes, you will be too emotionally, perhaps romantically involved with some aspect to leave before the explosion. DAVED Sir, with all due respect, your use of the term "aspect" to describe people who spend their lives as part of one timeline just shows that you were never a Traveller. It is impossible to work among these people, to experience their lives, and still think of them as simply aspects of a given history. Ask any of us. ADMINISTRATOR Daved, I want you to give me your word that if you can't prevent the explosion, you'll leave. DAVED You have it. ADMINISTRATOR And that you won't bring anyone with you. [pause] DAVED You have my word, sir. But if you feel that strongly, why are you sending me? ADMINISTRATOR The only other option is to keep sending Scouts until one comes back. DAVED Is that all, sir? ADMINISTRATOR Yes, Daved. Good luck. [Daved leaves the office. In the outer office, the secretary is talking on the comm.] SECRETARY No, I swear, it was really him! I'd heard he works in my section, but still, to actually meet him -- ULP! [notices Daved] D-did the meeting go okay? DAVED The meeting went fine. Thanks for asking. [Daved realizes what's happening and stifles a laugh. He waves and leaves.] SECRETARY [to the comm] He smiled at me! Oh, god, I think I'm gonna die! [Cut to Main Scanning Room. The room is seen from above as five levels of concentric circles. Each level has innumerable scanning stations. Large viewscreens filled with data line the walls and the space in the center is filled with holograms. Cut to one particular Scanner, Jayk, who sits at his station. He is dressed casually, but his clothes are also all white.] JAYK Come on, almost there -- damn! Almost had it. Almost -- [A hand falls on his shoulder] YAAH! Who -- oh, it's you, Daved! What brings you here? DAVED Oh, nothing much. My administrator just wanted to hand deliver an assignment. Oh, and the new secretary appears to be a member of my fan club. JAYK Travellers get all the girls. What's this assignment? DAVED Maybe you can help me with that, hmm? JAYK Figured you didn't stop by to chat. Universe, time, planet? DAVED Planet Lenorica, 2142 AD, universe 6.182947. JAYK Universe--? Oh, god, Daved, you aren't going there, are you? That's a deathtrap! DAVED What can you tell me, Jayk? You know, the interesting little bits and connections that don't show up in the database? JAYK (sigh) Oh, boy. Alright, lemme see what I have. You know information is damned hard to come by, what with the tachyon interference and all. Hmm. I'm afraid I don't have anything on Lenorica, other than the fact that its a "heavily civilized" world and its capital city is named Taukai. DAVED What about the state of the Milky Way in general? JAYK Well, this is a universe in which humanity discovered FTL travel fairly early. By 2142, over 3,000 planets have been colonized. They don't seem to have run into any alien civilizations yet, which is odd. Most of the colonized worlds belong to a loose confederation called the United Galactica. Hmm. There's a police force associated with the federal government called the Worlds Welfare Work Association, or 3WA for short. DAVED Odd name for a police force. JAYK Yeah, I thought so, too. All this is in the database, though. HEY! I remember something! Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, that could help! DAVED What? JAYK Lemme see if I can find that picture. [Jayk hits some buttons and a picture of two lovely WWWA agents appears on one of his screens.] DAVED Not bad! Who are they? JAYK Redhead's Kei, the other's Yuri. They're 3WA agents, go by the name of the "Lovely Angels". DAVED Well, they're quite incredible, Jayk, but what do they have to do with anything? JAYK Maybe nothing. Maybe *everything*! You see, these girls have an interesting track record. Nearly every major case they've been involved with has somehow ended in the destruction of the space station, city, or occasionally even the *planet* in question! DAVED You're kidding, right? JAYK Dead serious. Every one. DAVED They must be incompetant bimbos! JAYK More like the 3WA's top pair of agents. DAVED WHAT?! JAYK Hey, they've never failed to solve a case! Each time a case has blown up in their faces, it's been proven to be just plain dumb luck. DAVED Oh, I'm sure. JAYK I agree, it's a riot. But anyway, if these agents happen to be on Lenorica at the time in question, you might want to check out what they've been up to. If anyone could blow up a universe by accident, it would be them. DAVED Well, I'll check it out. It's not like I have any other leads to go on. Thanks, Jayk! [Daved slaps Jayk on the back and starts to leave.] JAYK Be careful, Daved. Oh, hey, I almost forgot! If you want to trace them through the media, don't search for "Lovely Angels". The media has their own name for them. They call them... [Cut to the office of John Ackerman, Director of Security for Taukai City, Lenorica. Kei and Yuri are present, in uniform, about to be briefed.] ACKERMAN ...the Dirty Pair. Please sit down. YURI We'd really prefer it if you didn't call us that. ACKERMAN Sorry, must have just slipped out. I don't really believe all the things the media says about you. No one could possibly be *that* destructive. KEI Yeah yeah yeah. Do you have an assignment for us or what? ACKERMAN Uh...yes. About two months ago, a source whose name I am not at liberty to reveal came to me with a story of strange, possibly illegal goings-on at Thornheart Industries, which is based in this city. He promised to get back to us when he had more reliable information. He never did. When we queried Thornheart about it, we were informed that there was no record of the man ever having worked there. Naturally we thought the man had been a crank. But later-- [A very excited man bursts into the room.] JACOB Mr. Ackerman! I've-- ACKERMAN Not now, Jacob! JACOB But, sir! I-- ACKERMAN Whatever it is, it can wait! I'm busy, isn't that obvious? JACOB Huh? [notices Kei and Yuri] Oh! Sorry! Sir, I-- sorry! [He runs out. Kei laughs.] YURI What was that all about? ACKERMAN Nothing, nothing. It's hard to find good help these days. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. A few weeks after we had dismissed the complaint as a crank, no fewer than 5 husbands and wives of Thornheart employees complained that they hadn't heard from their spouses in what was a worrisome length of time. When we again queried Thornheart, they became belligerent. They claimed the personnel had been "reassigned" but refused to let us see the pertinent files without a search warrant. When we obtained a warrant, the main complex downtown mysteriously sealed itself off. We have sent two security teams to break into the complex and retrieve the files. Both have disappeared without a trace. We fear they fell victim to some security device in the complex; after all, that's what Thornheart makes. God only knows what kind of experimental stuff that have installed in there. Thornheart refuses to acknowledge that the teams ever arrived. [Ackerman gets up and starts to pace.] So we're in sort of an odd situation here. We could send in a division of the armed forces to blast their way in with heavy artillery, but besides the fact that it would make us look like fools, we have no evidence on which to justify such a move. We don't have the files, nor do we even have proof that the security teams ever made it into the complex. Thornheart could bring a suit against us, although they'd probably lose. Add to that the fact that Thornheart is a very powerful corporation, and, well, I think you see where we are. YURI But isn't their refusal to hand over the files voluntarily enough justification to use force? ACKERMAN They haven't flat-out refused. They keep stalling. Their latest claim is that an experimental new computer network screwed up the locations of several key files and that they're having to rebuild the file system manually. A likely story. Their willingness to use such tactics makes me believe that whatever they have planned is going down soon. We need to know what Thornheart is up to and we need to know *now*! YURI So you want us to break into the complex and get the files? ACKERMAN Exactly. You two should have more experience in dealing with unkown security devices than our forces, and I understand that you, Yuri, have a knack for coaxing information out of computers. Now this is a simple breaking-and-entering, ladies. We'd appreciate it if you kept the conflict, and combat, to a minimum, preferably none. Understood? YURI Understood perfectly, sir! You can count on us, right, Kei? [Kei is absent-mindedly looking about the room. Yuri kicks her chair.] KEI Yeah! Right! We're on it! [Cut to aerial view of Taukai. The city is sprawling and huge, seeming to extend to the horizon, and is composed of three colors: gray, black, and metal. An aircar flies in from offscreen, carrying Kei and Yuri. Yuri is driving.] YURI [annoyed] It was the same in school, Kei. You'd always end up copying my notes the night before the exam. If you'd just pay attention a little more-- KEI [looking out the window] This city *blows*! If there's a list of All-Time Ugliest Cities, this one's gotta be in the top ten! YURI [rolls her eyes] Yeah, well, maybe their radio's okay. [She fiddles with the controls and finds a heavy rock station.] YURI OOOH! The Thrash Monkeys! I LOVE this song! [Cut to exterior view of Kei staring dejectedly out the window. Her eyes go wide as the aircar tips violently. Cut back to interior.] KEI YURI! Will you watch where you're going! [Kei grabs the controls from Yuri, who had been tapping the beat on the console. The aircar hurtles toward a walkway between two buildings. It pulls up at the last second, as people dive out of the way. One of these people is Daved, dressed in civilian clothing. He watches the aircar fly away.] DAVED Those girls in that aircar--! Well, I'll be damned! Sometimes I think I was born lucky! [In all the commotion, no one notices him as he presses a button on his wristwatch and vanishes. He reappears in another part of the city, in front of his MUTT (the white box mentioned earlier), which is hidden in an alley. He walks through the door, entering what is impossibly a spacious 20th century apartment. He turns right, through a pair of sliding doors into a control room. A viewscreen on the wall shows a view of the outside but it flickers and is full of snow. Daved sits down.] DAVED Damn. Interference is getting worse. Oh, well, what did I expect? [He hits a few controls. Outside, the MUTT hums and fades away. Inside, the view fades out completely and is replaced with an aerial view of the city.] Let's see if I can track that aircar. [He works some controls, and the picture zooms in one one car, swerving slightly as it flies. As he watches, it heads for what appears to be an enormous spaceport, but the image gets too small to follow.] Okay, let's visit the spaceport. [Cut to parking area of spaceport, a vast expanse of parked spacecraft. The MUTT fades in and Daved steps out and begins to walk quickly among the craft, looking in all directions. He notices one craft in particular.] "Lovely Angel"? Gotta be it. [He hides behind another ship as Kei and Yuri come walking up.] KEI I mean it, Yuri! Either the radio stays off, or I'm driving from now on! [The girls reach the steps leading to the hatch and walk up.] YURI Oh, like you've never had a close call! Like that time we flew over a beach resort, and they just happened to be holding a Mr. Universe contest, and you were so busy craning your head out the window that-- [A sound halfway between a purr and a growl is heard from inside.] KEI & YURI Mughi! We're back! You miss us, big guy? DAVED Bingo. [The hatch closes. Cut to interior of MUTT. Daved enters and sits on a couch.] So, the Dirty Pair *are* on Lenorica. The fact that any 3WA agents are here at all means something's up. Maybe they'll solve my problem for me. Maybe... [Daved looks at his watch. It reads 27:14:09 and is counting down.] Something had better happen soon. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Kei and Yuri break into the Thornheart complex, only to find it's not quite as abandoned as they thought. Daved takes steps to remedy the situation. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 2 Our story so far: Daved, one of a large organization of inter- universal time-travellers, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Dirty Pair's universe to prevent an unknown event which is going to cause the universe to explode. Kei and Yuri are also on Lenorica, working for John Ackerman, Director of Security for Taukai, the planet's largest city. Their assignment is to break in to a large, supposedly abandoned research complex, filled with dangerous security devices, and retrieve some computer files. Daved, aware of the girls' reputation for destruction, decides that the key to solving his case lies with that of the Lovely Angels. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to view of a steel plate. The voices of Kei and Yuri can be heard from behind the plate. An odd shaped pattern is being cut out of the plate.] YURI Almost there. KEI What kind of a job is this, anyway? We aren't even allowed to shoot at anybody! YURI There isn't anyone *to* shoot at, Kei. Just security devices. Got it! KEI That's my point! BO-RING! [The piece of plate is removed and Kei and Yuri peer down a shiny, featureless corridor.] YURI Nice empty hallway. No offices, no doors... KEI Mousetrap? [Yuri fishes in the side of her top and pulls out a coin. She tosses it inside. A laser comes from the wall and hits the coin mid-flight. It lands with a hole drilled right through its center.] YURI Well, the motion sensors work fine. KEI Yeah, but I don't think there's pressure sensors. Nothing happened when the coin hit the floor. YURI Maybe it didn't weigh enough. KEI Hmm. Maybe. Gimme your boot. YURI What?! KEI C'mon! [Yuri takes off her left boot and hands it to Kei. She hefts it, then throws it at the floor, hard. Multiple lasers shred the top of the boot midflight, but no reaction seems to occur upon impact.] YURI HEY! MY BOOT! KEI Nope! No pressure sensors. That would've set them off. YURI Why didn't you use your own boot?! KEI Because it was my idea, and besides, this is my last good pair. C'mon, toss in a fog pellet! YURI You owe me one, Kei! [Yuri pulls a shiny pellet from a belt pouch and throws it in. When the laser hits it, it explodes into a thick white fog. The Angels run into the corridor. Kei emerges from the fog at the end of the corridor first, at an intersection.] KEI Hurry it up, Yuri! What's keeping you! [Yuri emerges limping and carrying one boot.] YURI What the hell do you *think* is keeping me? [Puts on the boot] Seems you were right about about that hallway being a mousetrap. Looks pretty safe over here. KEI Yeah. Wonder why they'd have motion sensors, but no pressure sensors, though? [Cut to security control room. A lone, young, very smug-looking man is watching everything on viewscreens.] MAN Because I turned them off, you silly little ditzes. Now keep moving. So far, you're right on schedule. [We see his view of the Pair on a screen. On the left is the fog.] YURI Which way? KEI Mmmm--this way! [They move right.] MAN [Off-screen] Wrong! [We see his hand push a button, and glowing vertical and horizontal bars slide across, blocking the Angels' way.] KEI Maybe not. How about this way? [They move back.] MAN [Off-screen] Wrong again! Care to try for three? [He pushes another button and similar bars again block the girls' path.] YURI [annoyed] Gee, Yuri, you get the feeling we're being played with? KEI *Something* funny's going on, that's for sure! [Cut to view of the man's face.] MAN (laughs) Oh, but the real fun is yet to come! Hmm. Better deactivate--no. On second thought, I'll leave it on. It should prove amusing to see how they react. [Cut to the Angels, walking down another corridor. They look in the window of each room as they pass.] KEI Any luck? YURI None. For a large corporation, they sure seem short on computer terminals. [A small black ball pops out of the wall and hovers toward Yuri.] KEI Huh? Yuri, LOOK OUT! [Kei draws and fires. The ball dodges and the shot makes a hole in the wall. It then whirls and shoots at Kei, grazing her shoulder.] OW! [Yuri draws and fires. The ball dodges and fires at Yuri, grazing her hair.] YURI My HAIR! ERRARRRGH! [Yuri fires rapid shots, driving the ball towards Kei, who nails it.] Oh, my hair! Look what it did to my hair! [Kei rubs her shoulder, then picks up the ball and examines it.] KEI Well, that was exciting! Hope there aren't any more of these. [About twenty more balls pop out and advance.] Oh, me and my big mouth! [The girls lay into them with their guns. The balls swerve and dodge, but have less room to do so, so the girls destroy a few. The balls fire only occassionally, instead trying to surround them and force them into the wall. In the security room, the man laughs.] MAN Oh, this is just too much! [Cut back to the action. The Angels are losing the fight. The balls have them half-surrounded and are forcing them into the wall.] KEI Agile little bastards, aren't they? YURI Desperate times call for desperate measures! [She reaches into her top and pulls out the Bloody Card.] KEI Huh? Yuri, believe me, we aren't *that* desperate! [Yuri throws the Card. It misses all the balls, flies down the corridor, turns a corner and disappears.] YURI I don't BELIEVE it! That's not fair! [Cut to security room.] MAN You're right, Yuri. I should be ashamed of myself. [He pushes a button. Back at the action, half the remaining balls fall the to ground, dead.] KEI & YURI HUH?! [The girls begin focusing their fire on each ball from right to left. They quickly take out all but one ball, which retreats and then unleashes a volley which forces the Angels to the ground. The ball then hovers, as if daring them to make a move.] KEI This one's a bit meaner than the others. YURI Maybe he misses his friends. KEI On three, I'm gonna jump up and challenge it from the side. You be ready to fire from here. YURI Got it. KEI One... two... THREE! [Kei jumps up to fire, but something else has the ball's attention.] YURI Kei, get DOWN! [Yuri tackles Kei as the Bloody Card comes whizzing by and slices the ball in half. It then goes down the corridor and turns the same corner.] YURI [getting up] It *is* guaranteed to come back to me. KEI [getting up] Well, (pant) maybe we should get the hell out of here before it does again! YURI What?! No way! I'm not gonna lose it! We can afford to wait a couple of minutes! [Cut to security room] MAN Oh, please let's not! Waiting is so boring! [Cut to his screen which shows Kei and Yuri.] KEI Okay, how 'bout a compromise? We continue searching in the direction the Card went. Then we'll still be in its path and you can catch it the next time around. MAN [off-screen] Sounds great to me. How about you, Yuri? YURI Okay. MAN [off-screen] Ooooh, swell! KEI Wait. [They both stop.] Yuri, you ever get the feeling that you're...being...WATCHED?! [She wheels and fires at the camera. The picture goes static. The man is not amused.] MAN You are just NO fun at all! I hope you don't think this changes anything. I can still tell where you are from the pressure sensors you think don't exist! [The man pushes a button and a floor plan appears on a screen, with two blips close together and a third blip farther back.] *Three* blips?! [The third blip disappears.] Damn it! I have to get this equipment checked. Oh! Almost missed my cue! [He pushes a button. Cut to Kei and Yuri, who have reached an intersection. Suddenly a steel plate slides in front of them, blocking the forward path.] KEI God-dammit! If it's not one thing it's anoth-- [SPAK! The Bloody Card slams into the plate, a few centimeters from Kei's ear.] ...er... [Kei slumps to the floor.] YURI Oh! [pries the Card loose] Oh, my precious, I was so afraid I'd lose you!! (kiss, kiss!) [Three more plates slide up, enclosing the Pair. The section of floor on which they are standing begins to move downward.] Huh? Hey, Kei, we're moving! KEI [distantly] I almost lost an ear... YURI C'mon, Kei, snap out of it! KEI How can I wear my earrings with just one ear? YURI C'mon, Kei, don't make me kick you. KEI Oh...where are we? YURI I wish I knew. Somewhere underneath where we were. [The moving floor comes to rest at the bottom of the shaft. The Angels step off into a room that is pitch black.] YURI Well, this is just great. Do you have a light? KEI Yeah, hold on a sec. Quit pushing me, Yuri, I'm getting the damn light! YURI I'm not pushing you, I'm over here! HEY! [Kei activates a hand-light and reveals several waist-high robots resembling inverted garbage cans, gliding along the floor. They bump into the girls, herding them away from the elevator. Kei drops the light and goes for her gun, only to discover it isn't there.] KEI Oh, NO! One of them must have pinched my gun! [Yuri draws and turns to fire on one of the robots, only to have two others knock her to the floor. The gun is knocked out of her hand by the impact. A robot glides over it and makes a sucking noise. The gun disappears. Another robot does the same trick with the light and the scene goes dark again.] KEI NOW what do we do? YURI I guess we cooperate. KEI I hate cooperating. [The robots lead the Angels into a large room that lights up as they enter. Two huge twin machines are leaning against the wall.] KEI & YURI Oooh. [At the robot's urging, the girls move closer to the devices. Doors open to reveal chambers clearly meant to receive a human body. Kei and Yuri's eyes widen. They look at each other and nod slowly. Then they turn to the robots as if to stage their last stand. Suddenly, tentacle-cables shoot out of one of the machines and wrap themselves around Kei's arm and legs. She is drawn struggling into the device.] KEI YURIIII! [Yuri moves to help Kei, but is kept off-balance by the robots which keep bumping into her.] YURI Kei! Oof! You son-of-a-bitch! Let me help her! [She pulls a fog-pellet out of her pouch.] So you like to suck things up, huh? Suck this!! [She drops the pellet on the ground. A robot moves over it and sucks it up. With a BOOMF!, the pellet explodes and thick white smoke pours out the bottom of the robot and out of every seam. The robot squeals and begins to spin madly about the room, knocking other robots over and confusing the rest, as well as spraying fog all over the place. Meanwhile, Kei, as can be seen through a window on the device, is having every inch of her body scanned by energy beams. She is screaming for help, but can't be heard. A matching set of tentacle-cables wraps itself around Yuri and begins to lift her into the other machine, but she gets her right arm free and pulls out the Bloody Card. She uses it to slash through the other cables. She then forces the exterior lock on Kei's device and helps her out.] YURI Let's get the hell out of this place! KEI You'll get no argument from me! [she touches an earring] Mughi! Bring the Lovely Angel to the pickup point, NOW! [They run out of the room. Cut to security room.] MAN (sigh) Oh, well. I guess I shouldn't have bothered to hope that it would go off without a single hitch. It's just that live scans are so much more accurate. [He leans forward and speaks into a microphone.] Security droids A5 through A17, switch to lethal mode. [Kei and Yuri have arrived at the elevator. The light in the room at the end of the hallway is still on, dimly lighting the scene.] KEI How do you make this thing go *up*? YURI You can't! At least not from here. This is a security trap. I think you'd have to reset it from a main control area. KEI Then we're *stuck*?! YURI Of course not! If I can just find the control box, I think I can twiddle some wires and fool the thing into thinking it's at the top of its run instead of at the bottom. There it is! KEI Then why didn't you just say so, instead of scaring me?! YURI 'Cuz I like to prove you underestimate me! [winks at Kei] KEI Ha, ha. [notices something] Hey, Yuri, our robot friends are back and they look meaner this time! [The robots now have what appears to be lasers protruding in all directions about their rims. One fires a volley at the girls, who dive for cover behind the elevator platform.] YURI Great! And we're unarmed! KEI You fix the elevator. I'll handle the tin cans! [Yuri gets to work. Kei agilely moves toward one robot. With a sudden move, she slides toward it like a baseball player. The robot fires but misses over her head and Kei knocks it over. She then picks it up and uses it to block shots from other robots. A whirring noise is heard and the elevator starts up.] YURI Kei! I got it! Hurry up! [Kei rolls her robot toward the others, knocking them over like bowling pins, then hurries toward the elevator. Yuri helps her onto the platform, which travels back into the shaft.] YURI You know, I just thought of something. When we get to the top, we're still going to be surrounded by steel plates, and we don't have our lasers. KEI Yeah... Well, we'll think of something. Maybe we can get through the ceiling. YURI Yeah. Yeah, we'll think of something. [Back in the security room, the man looks bored.] MAN Girls, girls. This is getting tiresome. All I have to do once you reach the top is hit the reset switch and you'll go straight down again. Use my droids to wipe you out before you can leave the platform, and that's all she wrote. Or... The chamber you're arriving in is airtight... I guess I could just let you suffocate. (sigh) How dull. And this was such a fun game. Hmm. Kei took out the camera there, I'll have to go back to the pressure diagram. [He pushes a button and a floor diagram appears. Two blips appear at an intersection.] There you are. [The blips move into a corridor.] WHAT??!! Gotta be some camera somewhere that will give me a view!! [He pushes button after button. Countless views flash by on the screen. Finally one view appears which shows the Angels in the distance. A huge hole has been cut through the steel plate behind them.] That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!! How can--? Who--? That isn't possible!! [Cut to Kei and Yuri.] YURI What do think did this? KEI [examining the hole] Beats me. Doesn't look burned, just... cut. YURI Through three inches of steel?! KEI Well, it's on our side, whatever it is. YURI Now, why doesn't that fill me with comfort? [They start back the way they came. Cut to security room.] MAN Gotta do something! Can't just let 'em go! Wait--! I got it! They don't know about the pressure sensors in the mousetrap corridor! And they have to go back that way! Oh, thank the Allfather! [He hits some buttons.] I just hope there will be enough left of them to scan. [Cut back to the Angels.] YURI It sure is quiet. Relatively speaking, I mean. KEI Shut up! You're going to jinx us! [Kei reaches the mousetrap first.] YURI Hold up! I think I've got another fog pellet! KEI Don't bother! YURI Huh? [The two girls look down the corridor. The laser-emitting walls on both sides have been slashed to ribbons.] KEI It looks like our mysterious benefactor has struck again! YURI At the risk of sounding cliched, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth! [They run down the corridor and go through the hole they had cut in the steel plate over the window. Outside the building, they wait on a ledge as the Lovely Angel hovers down to pick them up. Cut to security room.] MAN No, no, no, no, no, no! He's gonna kill me! Oh, Father, he's gonna kill me! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Kei thinks Ackerman set them up. The Angels attempt to confront the man, but have to content themselves with chasing one of his aides. Daved strikes again. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 3 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Pair's universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. The Lovely Angels are also on Lenorica, and Daved feels they may have something to do with it. John Ackerman, Director of Security of Taukai City, assigns Kei and Yuri the task of breaking into the supposedly abandoned Thornheart research complex. They do, only to find that some unseen person is watching their every move. The girls are forced by various security devices to enter a room which contains twin machines, one of which captures Kei and partially scans her before Yuri breaks free and rescues her. The girls make their way out of the building, on the way discovering that someone has facilitated their escape by destroying some of the security devices. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to the outer office of Ackerman, where his secretary is at work. The door slams open and a very pissed Kei and Yuri walk in.] KEI Alright, where is he?! SECRETARY If you mean Mr. Ackerman, he'll be gone for the rest of the day. If you'd care to make an appointment-- [Kei tries the door; it's locked.] I said he's not in! If-- [Kei draws her gun and blows the lock off.] AAAH! That--that really wasn't necessary... [Kei and Yuri enter the office, guns drawn, and sweep the room. The office is deserted.] YURI Guess he really isn't in. SECRETARY That's what I said! If-- KEI SHUT UP!! YURI Maybe we're wrong, Kei. I mean, what happened to us in there sorta does jibe with what Ackerman described. KEI Bullshit! We were led around by the nose! They were expecting us! That bastard set us up! YURI Well, seeing as how he's not here to answer the charges, it appears we're out of luck. [The Angels walk back into the outer office. Jacob, Ackerman's aide, comes in and begins to talk to the secretary.] JACOB Hey, have you seen-- [He notices the Pair. His face goes white.] KEI Hey, you're that guy who came running into the office during the briefing! Mind answering a few questions? JACOB Uhhh... [Jacob turns and bolts out the door. The Angels pursue him down the hallway. Jacob runs toward a set of two elevators at the end of the hall, one of which has an "out of order" sign posted on it. Halfway there, he pulls out a gun and fires at the girls, who dive for cover, Yuri behind a planter, Kei behind an ashtray. Yuri fires and hits him in the hip, but he pushes the elevator button and the doors open immediately.] YURI Hey! That never happens for me! [Jacob enters the elevator. Kei pops up and fires several times, but Jacob hides behind the closing doors.] KEI Damn it! And that's the only elevator? [The Pair run back and find the stairs. Cut to a large, dark ampetheatre. Scores of people dressed in black monk's robes kneel and pray in front of what appears to be a huge altar/stage. A balcony encircles the ampetheatre. On the balcony can be seen a man in a white robe with gold trim. He is approached by a man in a black robe with red trim.] BLACKROBE Allfather Thornheart, I await your bidding. THORNHEART Speak. BLACKROBE Our agent in the Taukai complex has just informed us that the 3WA agents escaped. They appeared to have some sort of outside help. THORNHEART Were either scanned? BLACKROBE One partially. The other not at all. THORNHEART Ah, well. I don't suppose it matters anyway. We can't very well fabricate holoreports of their progress if they're still alive, can we? Besides, I understand that these agents travel with some sort of semi-sentient...thing. That would have foiled our plans as well, if it tried to confirm the reports. BLACKROBE This is my fault, Father. I should have aborted the plan when the 3WA sent us the Dirty Pair. THORNHEART Nonsense. I wouldn't have allowed it. Even with the drawbacks the plan made sense. BLACKROBE It was a good plan, Father. THORNHEART Yes. Yes, it was. BLACKROBE What would you have me do? THORNHEART For now, nothing. I doubt they will be able to find enough information to lead them here. Just keep an eye on them. Oh, and try to find out what this "outside help" is. You are dismissed. [Cut to street in front of the Taukai Security Center. Kei and Yuri come running out of the building just as Jacob jumps in his aircar and takes off.] KEI Oh, NO! Yuri, look! [She points at their aircar. It has been trashed by laser fire.] YURI How'd he know which one was ours? KEI Maybe by the way you parked? YURI Ha ha. Real funny. KEI Well, we gotta do *something*! [She runs over to an aircar just as the driver is about to take off and leans in through the window.] Move over! We're with the WWWA and we're commandeering this car! DRIVER Yeah, right! [ignores her] KEI Hey, I'm not joking, mister! We're 3WA officers! [She reaches through the window and pops the door open.] Yuri, get in! DRIVER Listen, lady, I don't give a damn if you're with the Grateful Dead! You're not--OONF! [Kei slugs him.] KEI No argument? Good! Yuri, did you keep track of Jacob's car? [She slides behind the controls, the unconscious man between her and Yuri.] YURI Yeah! Take off, I'll direct you. [The Pair take off and fly after Jacob. Jacob looks in his rear viewscreen and sees one car swerving wildly past others in an attempt to catch up. He moves the controls, and the car tilts and dives out of the main skyway into a populated area. The Angels pursue.] YURI I think he's noticed us. [Jacob's car sprouts cannons on the sides. It dives, loops and heads back toward the Pair. With a crazed expression on his face, Jacob pulls twin triggers on the steering device. Laser pulses shoot from the cannon, narrowly missing the girls' car and slamming into the buildings behind them. Jacob continues on a collision course.] KEI I think you're RIGHT! [Kei jerks violently on the controls. The car spins and falls, narrowly missing the collision. Cut to a huge crowded indoor shopping mall. On one of the lower levels we see Daved. He looks at an upper-level balcony, checks his watch, then sits on a bench and reclines. Cut to a street lined with skyscrapers on both sides. An aircar comes swooping by, causing a panic. Another aircar follows firing blasts from its cannons. The blasts strike the street and buildings, causing pandemonium as debris begins to fall to the ground. One blast hits another aircar coming in the opposite direction. The car spins out of control into another building and explodes, sending flaming wreckage falling into the crowds below. Cut to the Angel's car.] KEI Damn it! We're supposed to be chasing *him*!! [The driver comes around. Wide-eyed, he takes in what's happening. Kei takes a corner too sharply and bounces off a building, breaking windows. Jacob continues close behind, firing wildly, missing and blowing large holes in everything else.] DRIVER Who the hell do you think you are, anyway? The Dirty Pair? YURI Kei, this is getting embarrassing! DRIVER Oh, my God... You ARE the Dirty Pair! I'M IN A CAR WITH THE DIRTY PAIR! AAAA-ULK! [Yuri elbows him in the face.] KEI Thanks, Yuri. YURI My pleasure. [Kei attempts to lose Jacob by flying through a narrow space between two tall buildings but a huge truck is coming the other way.] KEI & YURI AAAAAH! [Kei pulls back on the controls and the car goes straight up, just missing the truck. As they emerge from between the rooftops, Jacob is waiting for them and unleashes a volley of laser fire. One bolt hits them, sending the car spinning toward the street. Another blast hits a transmission antenna, which topples over and falls to the ground. Kei wrestles with the controls of her aircar, trying to pull it out of the dive.] KEI Come on, you son-of-a-bitch! MOVE! [The aircar dives toward the road. At the last instant, it pulls out of the dive and zooms down the street, just a couple of meters off the ground. Jacob's car comes down from where it was hovering and begins to pursue and fire again.] KEI Alright, that's it! Enough is enough! Yuri, take over! YURI What?! [The unconscious man is still between Kei and Yuri. Kei unholsters her gun.] Kei, if we're going to shoot back, don't you think it would make more sense if I-- [Kei lets go of the controls and leans out the window. The car begins to bounce off the ground.] IIIIIIEEEE! [Yuri leans over the unconscious driver and grabs the controls. The aircar starts to climb. Kei squeezes off a few shots but can't hit anything the way the car is weaving. Jacob continues to fire.] Kei, c'mon! I don't think I can-- [Yuri has been so busy trying to keep ahold of the controls while dodging shots and shouting at Kei that she has failed to watch where she's going. The car heads for a building, straight on.] KEI & YURI AAAAAAH! [The car smashes through a plate glass window into a part of the shopping mall, flying over the heads of terrified shoppers.] YURI Kei, are you alright?! KEI I think so! YURI I--I suppose I should look on the bright side! He wouldn't possibly follow us in here! [Unfortunately, Yuri is wrong. Jacob does indeed follow them into the mall and continues firing, destroying entire stores with single shots. Other shots take out support beams and the ceiling begins to collapse. Cut to another portion of the mall, where Daved is. He hears the screams and explosions in the distance.] DAVED Won't be long now. [Cut back to the Angels' aircar. Kei is still out the window. Yuri flies the car toward a plate glass window on the opposite side.] YURI Protect yourself! [Kei puts her arms over her head and the car goes through the window. Kei steadies her gun and as Jacob's car goes flying through the hole, she fires. The shot goes through the windshield and hits Jacob's left arm. He screams and lets go of the controls. His car plummets, crashing once and then twice, plowing into several parked cars. The car, now on fire, comes to a halt.] KEI YES!! [She gets back into the car.] I'll take the controls again. YURI Please! [Kei slides behind the controls. Suddenly, the engine stops.] KEI Oh, no! YURI What?! KEI WE'RE OUT OF FUEL!! KEI & YURI AAAAAH!! [The car falls gracelessly to the ground and bounces once, twice (shearing off a streetlight), three times, the last time hitting sideways which throws it into a roll. The car finally comes to a stop lying on the passenger's side. A dazed Kei and Yuri crawl out of the driver's side. Kei reaches back into the car and pulls out the driver's arm. She pulls a card out of her top and shoves it in his hand.] KEI Thank you for your help! The WWWA will gladly cover all repair expenses... or, uh, hospital bills. [She lets go and the arm falls limply back into the cabin.] YURI C'mon! He might still be alive! [The girls run back to the wreck of Jacob's car and peer inside.] KEI Empty! Was he thrown? YURI There he is! [She points. In the distance a man can be seen, holding his left arm and limping as fast as he can.] He's heading back towards the mall! [The Angels run after him. Jacob notices them and finds the strength to run faster. Cut back to Daved.] DAVED Any moment now... [Daved takes the golden object, his Sword, off his belt. Stroking an amber jewel with his thumb causes a yellow blade of energy, about a meter in length, to extend. Cut back to Kei and Yuri. They are chasing Jacob up a flight of stairs and have almost caught up to him. Jacob reaches the top and turns a corner. Guns drawn, the girls follow. Unfortunately, around the corner is the mall proper, an upper-level balcony filled with thousands of panicked people preventing the Pair from shooting. Kei and Yuri force their way through the crowd.] YURI Excuse me!! Pardon me!! KEI Outta my way! Move your butts! Oh, hell, we'll never catch him at this rate! [Cut to Daved. He looks over and up to the next level and sees Jacob moving through the crowd.] DAVED And there he is. [With an overhand motion, Daved throws his Sword. It spins rapidly, seeming to become a glowing yellow disk. Daved concentrates, and the Sword weaves through the crowd toward Jacob. It passes through him, and he slumps to the floor, unconscious. The Sword, still spinning flies straight up, then changes course and returns to Daved's hand. Kei and Yuri see this and are stunned. They run up to Jacob.] KEI Out cold, but unharmed. What was that thing? YURI I don't know, but I think I see who it belongs to. KEI [running over] You do? Where? [Daved retracts the Sword and replaces it on his belt. He examines his wristwatch and begins manipulating some controls on it.] YURI Blonde guy. Playing with his watch. Right-- [Someone walks in front of Daved. When the person passes, Daved is gone.] He...he was right there. I... KEI Well, let's not worry about it now. We've got someone else to play with! [Farther down the balcony, a section collapses, sending debris and screaming people plummeting to the lower level. The girls look, then pick up their prize and begin to carry him out of the mall. Cut to a close-up of Jacob's face. His eyelids flutter, then open. His view is blurry but gradually focuses into Mughi's face. Cut to a general view of the interior of the Lovely Angel.] JACOB AAAH! A demon! I've been condemned to Hell for my sins! KEI Not yet, you haven't! But we'll be glad to send you there if you don't answer some questions! YURI Yeah! Like, for starters, who do you *really* work for? I find it hard to believe a Taukai Security employee would have caused as much damage and injury as you just did. JACOB [begins to cry] I'm sorry, Allfather. I have failed you. I will not be present at the Grand Opening. My soul will not take part in the glory. It is a suitable end for a failure. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other in confusion.] KEI Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. See, you either answer our questions, or our friend here... [pats Mughi] ...uses your face for a chew-toy! Are we all clear on that point? JACOB [sobbing] I'm a pitiful coward, Allfather. I should have done my duty as soon as they saw me, but I didn't want to die. Have mercy on my soul! [Jacob clenches his jaw, goes into convulsions and dies.] YURI Oh, NO! KEI NO! Don't die, you bastard! [picks up Jacob's body and shakes it] GOD-DAMN-YOU! [throws the body down] NOTHING! We went through all that--that SHIT for NOTHING! [starts to kick the body] GOD-DAMN-YOU-STUPID-SONUVA-BITCH! YURI [rubbing her temples] I can see the headlines now: "Dirty Pair Destroy Shopping Center for No Particular Reason". KEI [throwing a tantrum] ERRRGH! OOOH! RARGH! GOD! DAMN! SHIT! BLASTED! BASTARD! [Kei starts throwing anything that isn't anchored down. Mughi hides under a chair. Yuri sits in another chair and continues to rub her temples.] YURI Kei, why don't we just take off and get the hell away from this planet? There's no real reason for us to stay. We'll just inform the 3WA of the fraud and let them handle it. KEI NO!! Nobody screws over the Lovely Angels and gets away with it, Yuri, NOBODY!! YURI Then what do you suggest we do? KEI Oh, I have a few ideas! YURI Such as? KEI Well, for one thing... [She walks to the room's exit and opens the door.] ...I think I'll find Mr. Mysterious Blonde Guy who keeps interfering and find out what the hell he knows about this! [She walks out the door.] YURI And just how do you propose to find him? KEI [from outside the room] I'll think of something! YURI Ohhh, boy. I'd better go after her. There's no telling what she's going to try. Take care of the ship, okay, Mughi? Oh, and could you do something about that body? MUGHI Growlf. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Kei uses a rather unorthodox method to capture Daved. Daved tries to convince the girls of the imminent danger, and the Pair once again assault the Thornheart complex. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 4 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Pair's universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. The Lovely Angels are also on Lenorica, and Daved feels they may have something to do with it. The Angels' job had been to break into a supposedly abandoned research complex, but once inside, they found themselves expected and were forced by various security devices into a room which contained two large machines, one of which captured and scanned Kei. After escaping from the building (secretly helped by Daved), they attempt to confront Ackerman, the man who gave them the assignment, but find him gone. The Angels find his aide, Jacob, who leads them on an aircar chase that results in the destruction of a shopping mall. The chase ends when Daved uses his Sword to stun Jacob. Unfortunately, Jacob commits suicide once in custody. Furious, Kei decides to capture Daved. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to the control room of Daved's time-ship, the MUTT. On the main screen can be seen, barely, a picture of the Lovely Angel with Kei and Yuri exiting. The reception is horrible, due to the tachyon interference, and is noticeably getting worse. Daved fiddles with controls, attempting to improve the picture, but has no luck.] DAVED Phooie! I guess I'm going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. [He hits a control and leaves the control room. Cut to parking area of the spaceport. The MUTT fades in and Daved steps out. He closes the door, hits a control on his wristwatch and the MUTT disappears again. He then starts after Kei and Yuri, who have left the spaceport and are standing at the curb of a road.] KEI TAXI! [A taxi stops and Kei gets in.] You coming? [Yuri reluctantly gets in beside her.] Driver, is there a night club district in Taukai? DRIVER Sure there is. Ya wanna go there? KEI Yes, please! [The cab takes off.] YURI Night clubs, Kei? KEI The sun's going down, Yuri! I thought I'd check out the nightlife! [She winks at Yuri, who shudders. Cut to Daved, watching the car fly away.] DAVED This is going to be tricky. [He looks at the car, makes a mental estimate, turns some controls on his watch and hits a button. He vanishes and reappears in front of the car. He waits until the car has flown over, then repeats the process. In this manner, he follows the car to the night-club district. Cut to Kei and Yuri, walking down one road in the district, lined with lighted signs on both sides. Clientele of various class roam the streets. Kei examines each night club in turn as she walks by.] KEI Hmm. Nope. Too respectable. YURI Kei, if you'll just explain what you're up to, I'm sure I could help. KEI Ooh! This one looks promising! [The "nightclub" has no lighted sign, just a weatherbeaten wooden one which reads "The Slam N' Jam". Kei ducks into an alley beside the club and takes off her shoulder holster.] YURI What the hell are you doing?! KEI What I have in mind won't work if they can see we're packing. If you're in, you gotta take off yours too! YURI You're crazy Kei. You've finally flipped. And I must've flipped too, 'cuz I'm going along with it. [Yuri takes off her holster. The girls hide the firearms under a trashbin. They enter the club. It is filled with smoke and ugly people. A sleazy-looking thrash band wails on the stage.] Okay. I'm in. Now will you fill me in on the plan? KEI Our guardian angel seems to show up whenever we're in trouble, right? YURI Yeah? KEI So, I'm going to stir up some trouble! YURI *That's* the plan? KEI You got it! YURI Ohmigod... [Kei leaves Yuri and slinks up to the bar, attracting attention like a magnet. The bartender walks over.] BARTENDER What'll it be, miss? KEI [in a sultry voice] Oh, I don't know. I'm kinda looking for something tall...dark...and *hard*. [The eyes of every man in the club lock on Kei. The bartender starts to sweat. So does Yuri.] Scotch on the rocks will be fine. [The bartender serves her a scotch and she knocks it back. A huge, scarred man with half of one ear missing lumbers over.] SCARS I hear you're looking for a man. [Kei turns to him and runs a finger down his chest.] KEI Mmm. You wouldn't happen to know where I can find one, would you? SCARS Heh heh. [He reaches for her, but she pulls back.] KEI Watch where you touch, naughty boy, you might get burned. Besides... [She wraps herself around the arm of a tatooed body-builder, who smiles.] ...I think I like him better! SCARS Wha--?! BODY Tough luck, asshole! SCARS Why, you son of a--!! [The scarred man punches the body builder square in the face and a fight breaks out. As bar fights usually do (at least in the movies), this one soon spreads to other combatants, as punches go wild and strike other drunken hotheads. Soon, chairs are flying and bottles are breaking as a full quarter of the bar is involved in a free-for-all. Kei looks at Yuri, who is sweating bullets, and gives "thumbs up". She then aggravates the situation by tripping a man walking by, who spills his beer all over two others and another fight breaks out. A combatant bumps into Yuri and whirls around, angrily.] YURI Oh! I'm sorry! FIGHTER Shut up, bimbo! YURI BIMBO?!! [She knees him in the groin and he collapses, groaning. Daved walks in the door and takes in what's happening.] DAVED That's why they came down here? Just to start a fight? [He starts to laugh. An angry combatant spins around.] COMBATANT What the hell *you* laughin' at, jerk? [Daved ignores him. The man unleashes a haymaker. Casually, Daved ducks, and the man slugs someone behind him, starting yet another scuffle. Shaking his head and still laughing, he turns to leave. Yuri notices him.] YURI Hey! Kei! Kei, it's him! KEI Where?! YURI He just walked out! [The girls run through the crowd, pausing only to sock someone who gets in their way. Cut to the outside wall of the club. Daved sits against the wall next to the entrance and talks to himself.] DAVED Well, Daved, you really screwed it up this time. "Top Traveller"! HA! I spent how much time tracking them, assisting them, and for what? They don't have the slightest idea what's going on! [In the background we see the Angels run out of the club and into the alley to retrieve their guns.] I better come up with something soon. I've got what? [checks watch] About twelve hours before the universe explodes. God. What if the interference gets so bad I can't leave? I'll have to navigate manually... Ohh, boy. What a louse-up. [Kei approaches from behind and jabs her gun into his back.] KEI Get up! DAVED [standing up] And now they're holding guns on me. This has been the lousiest day of my career. [He moves to press a button on his watch.] KEI *Don't* move, or you're gonna see what your entrails look like!! YURI I'll take this. [She removes his watch.] I have a feeling it's some kind of teleportation device. DAVED It is. *Please* don't press any buttons. YURI And this. [She removes the Sword from his belt.] This could be what he used to take down Jacob. DAVED Clever girl. KEI Shut up and march! DAVED I don't believe this is happening. [Cut to interior of Lovely Angel. Kei, Yuri, Mughi, and Daved are all present. Daved is sitting in a chair, guarded by Mughi.] KEI I don't believe this is happening. DAVED Is it any less believable than you starting a fight in a seedy bar just to catch me? KEI Hey, it worked, didn't it? DAVED Guess I can't argue with that. YURI Let's go through this one more time. You're a time-traveller. DAVED Sort of. YURI Sort of? DAVED Well, I travel in more than just time. It's not important right now. Yes, I'm a time-traveller! YURI And the whole universe is about to explode? DAVED In ten hours, yes. YURI Why? DAVED I don't *know* why! That's what I have to find out! I have to find out what's going to cause the explosion and then I have to prevent it. When I saw you two were on Lenorica, I figured you might have something to do with it. You do have a reputation for blowing things up. YURI So that's why you've been "helping out", because you think we're going to destroy the universe? KEI Yuri, why are you bothering to ask this wacko questions? DAVED Actually, I rather believe you two will die trying to save the universe. KEI Twice in one day! We risk our necks to catch some information, and both times we end up with a nut spouting gibberish! DAVED I knew I should've thought up a lie... YURI So before you so graciously decided to help us, we were, like, destined to die in the Thornheart complex? DAVED No, *you* were going to cut through the ceiling with that card of yours. You would have made it just before the chamber ran out of air. A long chain of events followed that ended in the destruction of a good part of the complex, and you coming up empty-handed. KEI [sarcastically] Oh, unlike now, when we've got *loads* of information! YURI And if you hadn't stunned Jacob with that thing of yours, I suppose he would've gotten away? DAVED No, he would've run into that section of balcony that collapsed and been killed. KEI He's dead anyway!! DAVED Hey, I didn't know he had poison on him! YURI [stunned] How did you know he died that way?! KEI [incredulous] My god. He bugged the Lovely Angel. You son of a bitch. Who do you work for?! DAVED I already told you that, and I didn't bug anything! YURI [moving closer, getting threatening] Then how do you know how Jacob died? His body's still on the ship. No one even knows he's dead! DAVED My...my ship has a...device that allows me to see... How the hell do I put this? Without actually landing in three-dimensional space, I can see what is occurring around the area my ship would occupy if it actually did land. [Kei and Yuri don't get it.] It's not easy to explain. KEI [throws up her hands] I give up. DAVED If you don't believe me, then how do you explain how I've always been there at the right time? KEI Because you've been following us around like a goddamn pervert! DAVED I wasn't following you when I nailed Jacob. I was waiting for you. KEI That...that was dumb luck! DAVED Ah. KEI Time travel is impossible! Any idiot knows that! You would create paradoxes! So you're either a loony or a really bad liar! DAVED I really don't have time to teach a course in realtime mechanics. YURI And you couldn't have come from the future. You just said we don't have one! KEI Yeah, answer that! DAVED I'm not *from* your future. I'm not from your past, either. I'm from a completely different reality altogether! KEI You're telling *me*! DAVED Look, if you let me get to my ship, I can prove everything. YURI Where is it? DAVED I'll need my controller. YURI Your what? DAVED My wristwatch. I need it to call my MUTT. YURI What does your dog have to do with anything? DAVED MUTT stands for Multi-Universal Temporal Transporter. It's my ship. I left it in another dimension and I need the controller to call it back. KEI [sarcastically] Ohhhh! He left it in another *dimension*! YURI I don't think so, Mr. Time-Traveller. I give you this watch, you're just as likely to push a button and leave us, and we're not ready to say goodbye just yet. KEI Okay. Okay, we go back into the Thornheart complex. But this time none of this "breaking-and-entering" shit! This time we go in armed to the teeth and we don't try to be subtle! YURI What? Kei, can't we just get the hell out of here? I've really had enough for one day! KEI I promise that if we come up empty-handed, I won't object to leaving. Deal? [pause] YURI Deal. [They start to leave the room. Daved stands up.] DAVED I'll come with you. YURI The hell you will. Mughi, watch him. [The Angels leave.] MUGHI Grrrrrrrr... [Daved sits back down.] DAVED Heh heh. Nice kitty! [calls after the girls] Don't be long! The universe will be exploding soon! [Cut to an aerial view of the Thornheart complex. It is the middle of the night. The Lovely Angel hovers to a stop about ten meters above the roof of the main building. Deploying a powerful cutting laser from its belly, it slices a large hole through the roof. Sirens go off and anti-aircraft guns automatically deploy on the roof. The Lovely Angel's laser cannons destroy them before they can get a shot off. It then lands several meters from the hole. The hatch opens, and out fly Kei and Yuri, wearing battle-harnesses, half suits of armor with a jet pack and air supply. They fly down through the hole. As they land on the floor below, scores of hovering balls, of the type encountered before, pop out of the walls and advance. Kei hits a switch on her harness and a compartment opens on her right side, revealing twenty compact seeker-missles. They all launch, hitting targets. The explosions knockout the remaining balls and the girls fly down the hall.] YURI My sensors are picking up some pretty heavy activity from the floor below this one! KEI Then that's where we're going! [The Pair unsling mammoth pulse rifles from their backs and begin blasting the floor. Moments later, they are through and fly down to the next level, only to find themselves surrounded by security droids of every conceivable shape and size.] WHOA! Heavy activity all right! [Kei lays into the droid army with her pulse rifle, mowing them down. Yuri activates the seeker missles on her harness and takes out still more. The girls take their share of hits, but these droids were not designed to fight armored enemies and they barely slow the Angels down. The Pair turn a corner and are confronted by several of what appear to be tiny automated tanks. The tanks are only slightly damaged by the pulse rifles and a shot from the cannon of one knocks Kei back. She turns her rifle over and it becomes a grenade launcher. She destroys one tank. Two others gang up on Yuri and severely damage her harness before she destroys them with her grenade launcher. She falls to the ground and alarms go off on her harness.] YURI Oh, NO! My suit! It's going to overload! [Yuri drops her rifle and frantically undoes the catches on her harness as Kei continues to battle the tanks. More tanks arrive. Yuri pulls herself out of her harness, but her grenade belt gets caught, breaks, and stays behind. Kei grabs Yuri and flies her over the tanks, taking hits. Yuri's harness, rifle, and grenades go up in a titanic explosion which destroys the remaining tanks and catches Kei in the shockwave. She bounces off both walls, protecting Yuri, before coming to a rest. She puts Yuri down.] KEI Uh, oh. I think the combination of the tanks, the explosion, and carrying you just killed my suit. And it's too heavy to wear without power. [Kei takes off her harness. Kei is now armed with a pulse rifle, Yuri with her standard issue gun. The girls turn a corner and are nearly nailed by automated lasers set into a wall, before retreating. Guns at the ready, they turn the corner again, and this time destroy the lasers. The lasers appear to have been guarding a large set of steel doors.] KEI I believe we've struck paydirt! YURI I'll cut through, you be ready to take out whatever's on the other side. [Yuri aims her gun and begins to cut through the doors. Cut back to the Lovely Angel. Daved is still in the same chair. Mughi is watching television. Daved slowly gets up.] MUGHI [turning to look at him] Rrrrr... [Daved quickly sits back down.] DAVED Just, uh, stretching my legs!! [pause] You know, if you let me go, I think I could help them. [pause, Mughi ignores him] I know where they're going. At least I think I do. It's where they would've headed if I hadn't interfered. [Mughi continues to ignore him.] You know, you remind me of a cat I once had, named Shadow. He wasn't as big as you are, and he didn't have your ears. Didn't have your claws either. Or your teeth. Come to think of it, you really don't look much like him at all. [pause] No, no, you still remind me of him. He had your attitude. He liked to watch TV too, although his tastes ran more to cop shows. Bet you get your fill of that kind of crap without having to turn on the TV, huh? Hahahaha-- [Mughi sneers at him.] --huh. [Pause. Daved blinks. Under his breath:] Daved, that has got to be the stupidest idea you've had in your life... What the hell. The worst that can happen is he'll laugh at me. [louder:] Shadow had a favorite song, would you like to hear it? [Daved begin to sing in a soft voice] "Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme..." [Mughi turns his head in curiosity. Cut to security room of the Thornheart complex. The same man we saw before is manning the station. He is continuing to push buttons and make adjustments and doesn't seem to care that a hole is being cut through the door behind him. The circular piece of metal is kicked out and Kei and Yuri enter. The man turns around.] MAN [with disgust] Oh. It's you. [He turns around and resumes work.] KEI Hey, it's just one guy! Dart him! [Yuri pulls a tiny dart gun from one of the pouches on her belt and shoots a dart into the man's back. He pulls it out and turns around again.] MAN Please go away. You're annoying me. [He resumes work.] YURI I'll--I'll get another dart. [The man spins around angrily and stands up.] MAN I said GO AWAY!! [Kei and Yuri fix their guns on him.] KEI Take one step and we blast you! MAN (laughs) Have a ball! [He takes a running step toward the girls. Kei and Yuri open fire and hit him, Kei in the chest, Yuri in the face. The man is driven back into the console by the blast, where he lies face down, sstionlese.] YURI Oh, great. We killed him. *Now* can we leave, Kei? [The man suddenly gets up and turns around. Part of his face and chest have been blown away, revealing metal. He advances on the Angels.] MAN Allow me to introduce the latest addition to the fine line of Thornheart security products-- [Kei and Yuri open fire. Chunks of the droid are blown off, but he continues to struggle forward against the blasts.] --yours truly. The GD-107 AI security droid, fully capable of running your entire security system. I am equipped with-- [Kei flips her rifle over and fires a grenade at him. A hole is blown clear through his chest and he is thrown back into the console, smashing it. He lies motionless and Kei approaches him.] KEI Do we have something that can read this guy's head? YURI Yeah, I should be able to hook it up to-- [The droid comes to life, grabs Kei by the neck, and lifts her into the air. She drops the rifle as she chokes.] MAN --lightning-quick reflexes and incredible strength. [He throws Kei against the wall, hard. She slumps unconscious.] YURI KEI! [Yuri aims her gun only to have it fly out of her hand into that of the droid, who crushes it.] MAN Miniature tractor beams, a fascinating new development, are concealed in the hands. [Yuri pulls the Bloody Card from her top and throws it. It lodges itself in the android's chest (what's left of it) and causes a short. The droid screams and starts to flail around. Yuri tries to go for the dropped pulse rifle, but the droid picks her up by the back of her top and throws her away. He then picks up the pulse rifle, breaks it in two, and turns to Yuri. His voice has risen so that he sounds like an electronic chipmunk.] MAN Wanna see a REAL NEAT TRICK?! [The droid pops a long metal rod out of his right arm.] Microwave cannon! I can make your friend POP LIKE A BALLOOOON! HEEHEEHEEHAHAAA!! [He points the rod at Kei and it begins to hum.] YURI NOOO!!! [She reaches into a pouch and pulls out Daved's Sword, frantically looking for some button or switch to turn it on.] Dammit! How do you make this thing work? [Daved enters the room.] DAVED Like this. [The Sword flares to life with a green blade and flies, spinning, out of Yuri's hand. It slices off the droid's right arm and returns to Daved.] MAN EEEEEEEYYYAAGH! DAVED Stand back, Yuri. [Daved, Sword in hand, leaps at the droid. With blinding speed, the droid catches Daved by the neck and squeezes.] MAN YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE! THE THIRD BLIP! IT WASN'T A MALFUNCTION, IT WAS *YOU*! WHO ARE YOU?!! *ANSWER ME*!!!! [Daved can't even breathe, much less talk. His grip on the Sword fails and he drops it. Yuri picks it up and cuts off the droid's left arm. Daved falls unglamorously to the floor and tries to work the fingers free from his throat. The droid screams and turns to look at Yuri. His eyes begin to glow. Yuri swings the Sword and cuts off his head. As the head falls to the ground, Yuri holds the Sword over it.] YURI Now you're going to answer some questions, or I'm going to slice your brain in two! MAN Oh, noooo! I don't THINK SOOOOO! The Allfather left very specific instructions! I'm not to tell you AAAAAANYTHIIIIING! Heheheha--huk-- [Lights on the console come on. Slamming noises can be heard. The droid's head ignites and begins to melt.] YURI We're being sealed in! [A steel plate slides down, closing off the hole made in the door. Daved finally frees himself and stands up.] DAVED Nice Swordwork, Yuri. [The Sword flies from Yuri's to Daved's hand.] I need my wristwatch. [Yuri glares at him. The Sword's blade changes color from green to yellow.] I'll stun you if I have to but I'd prefer it if you trusted me. I've watched all this happen before. I need my controller if we're going to make it out of here before the bombs go off. [Yuri fishes the watch out of the pouch and tosses it to him.] Thank you. Unfortunately, it's too cramped to bring the MUTT in here. I'll be back in seconds. [Daved adjusts the watch and hits a button. He vanishes and rematerializes a meter and a half above the roof and falls. He picks himself up and 'ports back. Yuri has just retrieved the Bloody Card.] YURI What were you doing? DAVED Getting exact coordinates. Who's first? KEI [weakly] Yuri is. YURI Kei! Are you alright? KEI She can run, I can't. Take her. YURI No! Kei, I'll-- DAVED No time to argue! [He grabs Yuri and 'ports them both to the roof.] Run for it! [Yuri does. Daved 'ports back.] Kei! C'mon! [Kei puts an arm around Daved and he helps her up, then 'ports them both to the roof. He helps her toward the Lovely Angel.] KEI M'Sorry I didn't trust you... DAVED That's okay, I'm used to it. My name's Daved, by the way. KEI I'm Kei. DAVED (laughs) I know. Say, maybe you could help me apologize to your cat. He's going to be mad at me. [They reach the steps to the hatch and start climbing up.] KEI You mean Mughi? How did you get away from him, anyway? DAVED Well, um, I sort of... [They go through the hatch.] KEI [from inside] BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAAA! [The hatch closes and the Lovely Angel takes off. Moments later most of the entire research complex goes up in an incredible fireball.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: Daved helps the Angels get the information they need. The ante is raised as the Lovely Angel is attacked. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 5 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Kei and Yuri, also on Lenorica, were assigned by John Ackerman, Director of Security for Taukai City, to break into a supposedly abandoned research complex, but once inside, they found themselves expected and were forced by various security devices into a room which contained two large machines, one of which captured and scanned Kei. After escaping, they attempted to confront Ackerman, but instead had to content themselves with his aide, Jacob, who took poison rather than tell them anything. In an attempt to learn just what is going on, the girls capture Daved, who had been secretly helping them, but don't believe his story. The girls then assault the research complex once again, but find themselves outmatched by the sole human occupant of the building, who turns out not to be human at all but an incredibly advanced android. Daved gets away from Mughi and attempts to help the Angels escape. He succeeds, but only after Yuri saves *him* from the android. Once the Angels and Daved leave, the complex self-destructs. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to interior of the Lovely Angel. Daved, Yuri, and Kei are present, as well as Mughi, who reclines on the floor. Kei is sitting wrapped in a blanket and looking annoyed.] KEI Can't I get up, Yuri? The mediscanner said I'm fine! YURI It also said you needed to rest, so rest! KEI Awww... YURI Anyway, Daved, what I'm trying to say is that just because I trust you doesn't make your story anymore believable. DAVED *Please* don't leave, you're the only leads I have! [pause] Do I have to beg? [The girls look at the floor.] Kei, do *you* want to leave the planet? KEI I'm not happy about it. But I gotta admit, even *I've* run out of ideas. DAVED There must be something I can do to convince you to stay. In seven hours-- YURI The whole universe is going to go boom. So you say. Even if you're right, I still don't see why you need our help. DAVED Because I don't have the slightest idea where to begin. This case you're working on is my only hope! And my gut feeling is that it's related to mine. YURI Well, you should know about as much about our case as we do, if you've been following us with that spy-thing you mentioned. DAVED I can see using it, but I can't hear. For example, I have no idea what Jacob said to you before he died. KEI Ha! Total gibberish! He...he prayed to someone called the "Allfather", mentioned the, uh, the Grand Opening, whatever the hell that is, and died. YURI Hey, come to think of it, that droid mentioned the Allfather too! DAVED Well, there! That's something, isn't it? KEI So there's a kooky religious cult on Lenorica. So what? DAVED How 'bout... Could you tell me on what premise you were breaking into the Thornheart complex the first time? YURI We were supposed to find a computer terminal and hack into some files. DAVED Computer files... [brightens up] Hey! I think I can get you access to the Thornheart computers! [Kei and Yuri glance at each other.] KEI How? The complex is in ruins! DAVED No, *most* of the complex is in ruins. When I first started following you, I did a quick reconnaissance of the complex. There's a small building that looks like a warehouse but contains computer terminals. I didn't pay it much attention at the time because you weren't going to go there. I wouldn't be surprised if it's still there. KEI Hey! Alright! Let's go! YURI Kei, the place is going to be crawling with security guards, police, maybe even the army. That explosion was very noticeable. DAVED Doesn't matter. I can use my ship to take you from here to there without crossing any space in between. You won't have to worry about anything until we're actually inside the building. What do you say? KEI Yeah, Yuri, what do you say? YURI (sigh) Oh, alright. KEI Yeah! Let me get my gun! [throws off the blanket and gets up] YURI Uh-uh, Kei! You stay here! KEI What?!! YURI You need rest! You've been-- [Kei grabs Yuri and leans on her against the wall.] KEI Do you want me to show you just how well-rested I really am?! HUH? DO YOU?! DAVED [to Mughi] Are they always like this? [Mughi rolls his eyes.] KEI Where's your ship? DAVED In another dimension, like I said. [He hits a button on his watch and, with an electronic hum, the MUTT appears in the room. Another button pops the door open.] YURI We can't all fit in that! KEI How do you fit, even? Without running out of air? DAVED I think you'll be surprised. [The girls enter and are indeed surprised. Daved closes the door behind them.] YURI This...was a small box when we came in, wasn't it? KEI How do you fit the apartment inside the box? DAVED Well, technically, the apartment isn't inside the box. The box is just a gateway. The two only meet at the door. The control room is this way. [They turn right, into the control room. The viewscreen now has no picture at all, just static.] Uh-oh. I was afraid of this. KEI What's wrong? DAVED Proof of what I'm talking about. The explosion in the future is sending out waves of tachyons, which travel backward in time and cause interference in the present. YURI Or maybe your screen's just on the fritz. DAVED Yeah, well, either way it means I'm flying blind. Luckily, I saved the coordinates the last time I was there. [Daved works the controls. Cut to a hallway in the Thornheart complex. The MUTT appears and the door opens. Yuri steps out, gun drawn and sweeps the area.] YURI Coast seems clear. [Kei and Daved come out, closing the door behind them.] DAVED The terminals are down this way. [The three reach the entrance of a room that, as can be seen through windows, is filled with computer equipment.] KEI Alright! Finally! [Kei draws her gun and prepares to shoot off the lock. Daved grabs her wrist and 'ports her inside.] Oops. I forgot. [Daved 'ports back and brings Yuri over.] DAVED [examining a terminal] How do you work this thing, anyway? [Yuri pushes him out of the way and sits down. She takes the interface plug and plugs it in behind her ear. Daved's eyes go wide.] You...you plug it into your *head*??! KEI Of course! What century are you from, anyway? DAVED The twentieth. [It's Kei's turn to be surprised.] YURI YES!! PAYDIRT! Look at this, guys! No wonder Thornheart's been so secretive lately! Take a look at what they've been up to! [Kei and Daved read over Yuri's shoulder.] KEI "Artificial black holes"?! Holy shit! DAVED Is that against the law? YURI Are you kidding? On a populated planet? If the 3WA had proof of this, they'd not only shut down Thornheart's operations on Lenorica, but they'd forbid them to do business anywhere in the United Galactica for at least a thousand years! KEI Now aren't you glad we stayed? YURI I guess *so*! Uh-oh. DAVED What? YURI I've been discovered. They tried to kick me out, but I evaded. We'll be having company soon. DAVED I better make space to bring the MUTT in, in case we need to make a retreat. KEI I'll help. [Kei and Daved start pushing furniture around.] YURI Oh, wow! Kei, you know that machine you got pulled into? That was a holographic scanner! They can use data from that thing to fake incredibly realistic holographic videos! They were going to catch us, scan us, kill us, then fake progress reports from us to send to the 3WA so they'd stay off their backs! Ackerman's name is on this file! Boy, that man is not going to see daylight for a loooong time! [looks up] Company's arrived. Hey, we're in luck! Looks like city troops! [Yuri gets up and moves to let them in, but they shoot the lock off and enter the room, six soldiers armed with pulse rifles.] SOLDIER Alright! Nobody move! Hands in the air, slow! YURI We're WWWA trouble consultants on official business! SOLDIER You're 3WA? Do you have ID? [Kei and Yuri pull cards out of their tops and hand them to the soldier. He reads them, checking the faces.] What about him? KEI He's a specialist assigned to us. We both vouch for him. [Daved moves up behind Kei and whispers.] DAVED I don't like this. Be ready for a distraction. [Kei nods. A sergeant arrives.] SERGEANT What seems to be the problem, Corporal? SOLDIER Sir, these girls are 3WA officers. No one told us that. What are we supposed to do? [He shows the sergeant the ID cards. He looks at them, then at Kei and Yuri.] SERGEANT You do what you were ordered, soldier... Kill them. [The soldiers pull up their weapons. Kei and Yuri draw. Daved screams and leaps at the troops. All turn to fire at him, but he vanishes in midair and the shots hit equipment. Kei kills the Sergeant, Yuri nails the Corporal. The Angels then dive for cover behind a desk and a firefight ensues. One soldier tries to rush the desk, but Kei, firing from beneath it, shoots his legs out, causing him to fall screaming to the floor.] YURI Ow! That was cruel! KEI Thanks! [The MUTT appears behind them and Daved pokes his head out.] DAVED Come on! [Still firing, Kei and Yuri backpedal into the MUTT. The door slams and it fades out as shots bounce off it. Cut to an huge, ornate, ancient-looking office. Religious icons line the walls and the desk is trimmed with gold. Thornheart, in his white robe with gold trim, stares out the window. The man in the black robe with red trim enters.] BLACKROBE Father, I must-- [Stops himself and lowers his head.] Allfather Thornheart, I await-- THORNHEART [still looking out the window] Report. BLACKROBE The situation in Taukai has gotten worse. Just minutes ago, I received a report that the WWWA agents had gained access to our computer system. Since Jacob has still not been heard from, we must assume they know everything. THORNHEART [getting angry] I thought that system was secure from outside entry. BLACKROBE It is, Father, but the agents entered the system from inside the complex. [Thornheart whirls around, furious.] THORNHEART WHAT?!! HOW?!! Didn't your forces stop them? BLACKROBE A truly unknown element has entered the equation. He appears to have the ability of teleportation. He got the agents in and helped them to escape. THORNHEART [shaking with fury] You get on the comm to the city military NOW! Have them keep several squadrons of the City Air Force on standby. As soon as their ship leaves Taukai airspace, blow it the hell out of the sky! BLACKROBE Father, the troops have already shown a reluctance to attack 3WA agents. To ask the air force to do the same, and outside their jurisdiction no less... well, Father, there may be a problem getting the pilots to follow orders. THORNHEART Then you'll just have to make sure that *isn't* a problem, won't you?! After all, that *is* your job, isn't it, Ackerman? BLACKROBE Yes, Father. But Father... I have seen your power! Why don't you just-- [Thornheart looks Ackerman in the eye. Ackerman's face goes white.] I'll--I'll get right on it! [He runs out of the room. Thornheart hits an intercom.] THORNHEART Send in the technician. [A man in a grey robe enters.] TECHNICIAN Allfather Thorn-- THORNHEART Report. Has the second singularity been stabilized and moved into position? TECHNICIAN Yes, Father, and the back-up third singularity as well. We are actually ahead of schedule. THORNHEART Excellent. Excellent. You are dismissed. [The technician bows and leaves. Thornheart turns to looks out the window and begins to talk to himself.] I won't be stopped. Oh, no. Not when I'm this close. In a matter of hours, I will introduce the universe to a new age of glory and wonder the like of which it has never seen. The forces of darkness may send all the teleporting demons against me they wish, it will not stop me. [Thornheart talks to the ceiling.] Do you hear me Dark Ones?! Do you?! I know you're watching me! You always watch me! Well, in a few more hours the Opening will occur, and we'll see if you laugh at me then! I won't be stopped, do you hear?! I--WON'T--BE--STOPPED!! [A vase levitates off the desk and shatters.] [Cut to view of the Lovely Angel flying over Taukai City. It is morning. On the bridge, Kei is piloting as Yuri, Daved, and Mughi stand behind her. Daved looks agitated.] DAVED You're sure that this Xyfai Island is the right place to go? YURI I'm sure that it was mentioned in those files. That's the best I can do. DAVED How far away is it? KEI It's gonna take at least an hour to fly there. DAVED Oh, hell! YURI Will you stop pacing, Daved? You're driving me nuts! DAVED Sorry. [He sits down.] It's just that this is going to be a real rush job. If it wasn't for the tachyon interference, I could get us there instantaneously, but as it is, I can't navigate the damn thing. YURI [semi-sarcastically] Your machine can travel in time, right? So when we get there, why don't you just take us a few hours into the past? DAVED It's not that easy. Going into the past means changing history, no matter how subtly. And history changes can lead to paradoxes. YURI [smiling] And that would like what, destroy the universe? DAVED (laughs) No, not quite. The system of time-travel I use handles paradoxes by sort of "erasing" me from the future. If we were to seriously change history, that could happen. And one result is that there would be two copies of you running around, the Lovely Angels that came back with me, and the Angels that would've existed if I'd never come to the planet. No, the only way I could see going into the past is if we didn't interact with anybody and left everything exactly as it was. [pause] You still don't believe me, do you? YURI [shaking her head and shrugging] I'm sorry. KEI Hey, it's official! We've left Taukai! If I never see that pit again, it'll be too soon! [Far away, an immense squadron of jet fighters heads toward the Lovely Angel. As each pilot speaks, we see inside his cockpit.] LEADER Alright, gentlemen, this is it! Remember, we are not to directly engage the enemy! Our job is to force the craft into the Grid! PILOT Like hell! LEADER What did you say?! PILOT You bring us out here, beyond our jurisdiction, order us to fight 3WA officers, maybe get us sent to a prison colony for life, and *now* you tell not to actually shoot at them?! That's a goddamn "Wasp" class assault scout! It could blow us out of the sky without breaking a sweat! LEADER That'll be all, mister! PILOT The hell it will! If I'm going to hell for this, I'm going fighting! Who's with me?! [Several "I am!"'s and "Yeah!"'s are heard. The pilot's jet breaks off from the pack, followed by five others, and heads for the Lovely Angel.] LEADER The fools!! [Onboard the Lovely Angel, Kei picks up the rogue jets on the sensors.] KEI Yuri! We got bogies! [Yuri quickly slides into the co-pilot's seat and plugs an interface cable in behind her right ear.] YURI What are they? KEI Looks like six LF-117 assault jets. Speed comparable to ours in atmosphere, slightly better maneuverability. 'Course, we got them *way* outclassed in terms of armor and firepower. Shouldn't be too much of a threat. [The six jets fly underneath and past the Lovely Angel and climb, fanning out. Three jets invert and fly back toward the ship, firing missiles.] Hold on! [Kei throws the Lovely Angel into a climb, then into a tricky spin and dive which all but one of the missiles fail to match. That one grazes the ship's belly and goes off, shaking the occupants.] DAVED I think I'm gonna barf. KEI You do and you clean it up. YURI Our turn! [Yuri fires three missiles, one for each of the three planes currently in front of them. The planes attempt to shake the missiles with similar maneuvers, but these missiles are more advanced and two of the planes are destroyed. The third climbs, dives, spins, rolls, falls, jukes and jives, finally losing its missile.] KEI Whoa! Impressive! YURI Yeah! Almost seems a shame... [Its pilot now clearly disoriented, Yuri blasts the jet to bits with a laser cannon.] Hey! Missile locks aft! [Before the planes can fire their missiles, Kei climbs slightly and brakes hard. The two planes zip in front.] KEI Don't fire! [With a maniacal grin, Kei punches it. Everyone is slammed back into their seats by the force of the acceleration. The Lovely Angel flies between the planes at several times the speed of sound. The sonic boom throws both planes into uncontrollable spins and they crash.] HA! They can match our speed, but they can't match our wake! [Cut back to the main force.] LEADER Well I'll be damned. They're over the Grid. Maybe those jerks didn't waste their lives after all. Tango Leader to base! The chicken is on the grill! Commence barbecue! [Several square kilometers of ground slide away to reveal an immense array of parabolic mirrors. The array bends to focus the rays of Lenorica's sun onto the Lovely Angel.] YURI One left! Where is he? [Suddenly, the view flares incredibly bright, provoking started shouts from everyone. Outside, the last plane, which had been preparing to attack the Lovely Angel from beneath, explodes. Inside the ship, the canopy window has automatically turned black.] KEI I can't see! Oh, damn it, I'm blind! DAVED What happened? YURI They're attacking us with mirrors! DAVED MIRRORS??! YURI Yeah, and doing a damn good job of it, too! Kei, are you alright? KEI I think so. Everything's so dim. DAVED Get us the hell out of here! YURI Flare blew out all sensors except radar. Oh, god, we're surrounded in all directions! Over 200 planes?! We're no match for them in this condition! DAVED Well, do *something*!! [Yuri fires a missile at the Grid. A section of the Grid refocuses on the missile, exploding it.] YURI Damn! KEI It's getting hot in here! YURI No shit! The hull's about to melt! KEI G-Maneuver? YURI We've never done that for real. KEI Got another idea? [pause] YURI No. Daved, Mughi, strap yourselves in and lie limp. This is called a G-Maneuver for a reason. You're going to black out, so don't fight it. [From outside, the armada watches the Lovely Angel, which shines so bright it can't be looked at directly. Suddenly, the ship flips on its tail, then vanishes in a nuclear fireball.] LEADER HOLY SHIT!! AAAAAAAAA--!! [The Leader's plane is vaporized as are scores of others. Others farther away are torn apart by the blast, while still others are thrown spinning out of the sky.] ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: The Lovely Angel is trapped in orbit. An indiscretion on Daved's part threatens to make teamwork between Kei and Yuri difficult, and preparations are made for a final confrontation. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 6 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Kei and Yuri, also on Lenorica, were assigned by John Ackerman, Director of Security for Taukai City, to break into a supposedly abandoned research complex. However, Ackerman actually sent the girls into a trap with the intent of using advanced holographic scanning equipment on them, the data from which could then be used to fake holographic reports of the girls' progress, which would be sent to the 3WA. Ackerman is in league with a man named Thornheart, an industrialist who heads a religious cult. Thornheart's corporation has been producing artificial black holes on a populated island and his cult is awaiting an event known as the Grand Opening. Daved is assisting the Lovely Angels with their case on the premise that if any case could cause the universe to explode, it would be one involving the Dirty Pair. After learning the above information, the three head for the island, only to have the Lovely Angel attacked on the way by the City Air Force, under Ackerman's orders. The Air Force forces them into the Grid, an immense array of parabolic mirrors which attacks the Lovely Angel with the rays of Lenorica's sun. Surrounded, damaged, about to melt, the Lovely Angel appears to have no way out. Suddenly, it flips on its tail and vanishes in a nuclear fireball, the blast destroying most of the squadron of jets. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to view of Lenorica from close orbit. The Lovely Angel comes rocketing up vertically and reaches orbit. Inside, its occupants are coming around, groaning.] DAVED What...the hell...did you just *do*? YURI We dropped a miniature nuke and extended a hemispherical force field around it. The explosion popped us straight up. Then, when we were high enough, the escape velocity thrusters automatically came on. DAVED Do you do stuff like this all the time? KEI This was a first. YURI Might be a last, too. I've got diagnostics all over the board. In fact, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking it into atmosphere again. DAVED Can you take it into geo-synchronous orbit above the island? YURI Sure. DAVED Then don't worry about it. I can shuttle us straight down in the MUTT. I'll have to navigate by hand, but that's a fairly simple calculation. Now, if you ladies will follow me, I have a suggestion to make. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other, then follow Daved through the ship to where the MUTT, Daved's time-ship, is parked. He motions them inside the tall white box, through the living room of the much larger apartment that is somehow contained inside, then into the control room. He works the controls.] YURI What are you doing? DAVED I'm putting a halt to the MUTT's drift in your timeline. Or to put it another way, I'm stopping time. [The girls stare in disbelief.] Look, I'll prove it to you. [They go back to the exit. Daved opens the door and alarms go off.] Keep back and look down the hall. Look at Mughi. [Mughi is frozen in midair leaping off a chair.] YURI My god. You really *are* a time-traveller. KEI Why did you do this? DAVED [closing the door] Well, I don't know about you, but seeing how little time we're going to have to finish the job once I start the clock ticking again, I could use some rest. I have a guest bedroom and a shower. What do you say to catching a few hours of sleep and starting the final mission fresh? KEI That sounds... KEI & YURI GREAT! [The girls hug Daved, who looks sheepish.] DAVED Um, let me show you around. I've got a machine that makes clothing, too. You should be able to get it to make you something to sleep in... [Cut to shower room. Kei and Yuri are in whatever state of undress the reader cares to imagine them in.] YURI He really *is* a time-traveller. Wow. KEI Yeah. And cute, too. YURI Yeah. I wonder if he'd explain to me how it all works. Hey! If he's been telling the truth about everything, then the universe really *is* going to explode! KEI I don't even wanna think about that. [Cut to the MUTT's guest bedroom, a barely furnished room with two twin beds. Yuri is fast asleep, but Kei tosses, turns, and finally gets out of bed. Dressed in a nightgown, she walks to the living room where Daved sits on the couch in his white Traveller's uniform. He is listening to soft orchestral music on his stereo.] KEI What's with the hospital clothes? DAVED This is my uniform. I feel the most comfortable when wearing it. KEI I thought we were all going to get some sleep. DAVED I'm too worried about the mission. What's your excuse? KEI Oh. My damn back still hurts from when that droid threw me. DAVED Well, maybe *that* can be fixed, at least. Lie down. [Kei lies down on the couch on her stomach, and Daved begins to massage her back.] KEI Mmmm... Ohh... Where did you learn to do this? DAVED I don't know, really. Lots of places. I've been to so many places in the last sixty years, it's hard to keep track of what I learned where. KEI [looking up] You're sixty years old?! DAVED Eighty, actually. Or somewhere around there. I lost track. KEI But you don't look a day over twenty! DAVED This really works better if you keep your head down. KEI Sorry. [puts her head down] DAVED I was recruited at the age of twenty. My body was altered so I don't age. I also don't get sick and I can't have children. I spent five years at an academy, twenty years as a Scout, observing but not interfering, twenty-five years as an Apprentice Traveller, and the last thirty years or so as a Traveller. You don't move up very fast in the Universals. KEI So your job is to zip from time-to-time... DAVED And from universe-to-universe... KEI ...changing history? DAVED Mm-hmm. I change the course of wars, prevent disasters, save the lives of key historical figures, stuff like that. Between assignments, I'm free to go where I want, so I've been known to stumble into other problems, which I solve. Travellers are given pretty much free rein. KEI What are the other universes like? DAVED You name it, it probably exists somewhere in the Omniverse. Actually, humanity's had it pretty easy in your history. In others, Earth always seems to be getting attacked by someone, sorcerous aliens who want to reclaim their homeworld, giant aliens who just want to destroy it. Or Earth destroys itself in a civil war. One universe has the Earth at war with its own space colonies. We still haven't figured out which side to help in that one. KEI You must've seen a lot. DAVED I'd say so. KEI Ever have a girlfriend? DAVED Well, I, uh... It's sort of hard to get seriously involved when you're always travelling to different realities. [Daved flashes back to his Administrator's words : "...you do have a habit of getting involved."] I, uh, had a girlfriend at the Academy, but our careers sort of tore us apart. I haven't seen her in twenty years. KEI What kind of girls do you like? DAVED (laughs) What kind of guys do *you* like? KEI [sits up] Blonde guys, men of action, men with good hands. There, now you answer *my* question. DAVED Well... I like strong women. And, well, to be perfectly honest, I've, uh, always had this thing for redheads. KEI Oh, really. DAVED Mm-hmm. [Kei leans over and kisses him.] Aggressive, aren't we? KEI It's a character flaw of mine. Ask Yuri. [She kisses him again, this time longer. Fade to Yuri's bed. She opens her eyes, stretches and gets out of bed. She enters the living room. Kei and Daved are asleep, curled up on the couch together under a blanket. Yuri looks ticked. She heads for the door, then remembers about the time stoppage.] YURI [whispers] Oh, hell. [She goes back to bed. Slowly zoom in on Daved's head, then fade to flashbacks.] ADMINISTRATOR And face it Daved, you do have a habit of getting involved. The Council is afraid that when the time comes, you will be too emotionally, perhaps romantically involved with some aspect to leave before the explosion. [fade] ADMINISTRATOR Daved, I want you to give me your word that if you can't prevent the explosion, you'll leave. DAVED You have it. ADMINISTRATOR And that you won't bring anyone with you. [pause] DAVED You have my word, sir. [Fade back to overhead view of Kei and Daved asleep together. The Administrator's words: "And that you won't bring anyone with you" are heard again. Fade to black. Cut to Thornheart's office. The intercom chimes and Thornheart answers.] SECRETARY Father Ackerman calling from his hotel, Allfather. THORNHEART Put him through. [A hologram of a robed Ackerman's head (aka Blackrobe) appears above the desk.] ACKERMAN Allfather Thornheart, I await your bidding. THORNHEART This had better be good news. ACKERMAN *Very* good news, Father! The WWWA craft has been destroyed. We used the Grid, and it apparently detonated their engines. There isn't even any debris! THORNHEART That is good news, indeed! You have done well, my son. ACKERMAN Thank you, Father. THORNHEART I want you over here as soon as possible. The procession is about to begin, and the Grand Opening will occur in a matter of hours. ACKERMAN At once, Father [The picture blinks out. Thornheart talks to the ceiling.] THORNHEART Nice try, Dark Ones. (laughs) [Cut to the bridge of the Lovely Angel. Yuri is sitting in the pilot's seat, maneuvering the ship into the desired orbit and not looking very happy. Kei enters.] KEI Are we in orbit above the island yet? YURI No! KEI Oh. How long do you think it will take? YURI I don't know! The thrusters are damaged! I'm not a miracle worker, okay? [Kei sits in the co-pilot's seat.] KEI Is something wrong? YURI No! KEI Then why won't you look at me? YURI Because I'm busy! You think this is easy? KEI I'll help. [She moves to plug in an interface cable.] YURI I don't need your help. Why don't you just tell Daved it's going to be a while? You certainly seem good at communicating with him. [pause] KEI Is that what this is about? You're mad at me because of what I did with Daved? I don't that's any of your business! YURI [looking up] No, Kei, you don't think, *period*! Kei wants, Kei takes! For crying out loud, you didn't even wait one day! It never even occurred to you that... Oh, never mind! KEI That what? That you wanted him, too? Frankly, no, that never occurred to me! I didn't even think you liked him! YURI I never got a chance to like him! You just waltzed in and took over! KEI You make it sound like I do this all the time! I don't have any more luck with guys than you do and you know it! YURI Tell that to Kevin Wilson! KEI Oh, GAWD, Yuri, you're not going to bring that up again, are you? That was in university! YURI Well, it's the same thing! I spend days trying to think of what to say and you just zip in and grab him! KEI Yeah, well maybe you think too much! YURI And maybe some of us try to be a little more subtle about getting a guy! KEI If by that cryptic little statement, you're implying that I'm a *tramp*, you'd better be ready to back up your words with your *teeth*! [Kei makes a fist. So does Yuri. With the exquisite sense of timing inherent in the male of the species, Daved chooses this exact moment to walk onto the bridge.] DAVED Hi! What's wrong? KEI & YURI NOTHING!!!! DAVED Uh, good! Good! [Daved leaves. He enters the room in which the MUTT is parked. Mughi reclines on a couch next to the white box. Daved sits next to him, provoking a slightly annoyed response.] Way to go, Daved. Good luck solving this problem now with your two partners at each other's throats. And all because you got involved. Again. [Turns to Mughi] Y'know, Mughi, you're lucky. There's probably no female of your species within light years. [Mughi raises what pass for his eyebrows.] Yeah, I know, you probably don't agree. Here I am, the "top Traveller", never failed to solve a case in my entire career, and yet a beautiful, strong woman still turns me into the Human Erection. [Mughi grins and snorts] Thanks for the sympathy. Actually, it would be easier if that was all there was to it and I really didn't give a shit. But I do. [Daved hears his Administrator: "...you won't take anyone with you" and shakes his head] I'm not going to think about that. I'm going to solve this case and then that won't be a problem. [Kei comes in, still fuming] KEI We're in orbit above the island. Or as close as we can get. It's not right on the equator. DAVED [thinking] That's fine... Could you ask Yuri to come back here? I need her to help me do some reconnaissance of the island. KEI Huh? Just Yuri? DAVED Someone has to start repairs on the Lovely Angel, in case we have to call in an air strike. KEI Mughi can do that! DAVED And the two of you can do it faster. KEI Why Yuri and not me? DAVED Because I might need that card of hers. Go get her, okay? I'll be waiting inside. [He enters the MUTT.] KEI Who's in charge here, anyway?! [She shrugs and leaves the room. As she leaves:] No one *needs* the Bloody Card... [Cut to control room of MUTT. Yuri enters.] YURI I'm here. DAVED Did you close the door? YURI Yes. DAVED Then here we go. [Cut to a cliff facing the ocean. The MUTT appears at the edge of the cliff, door facing out. Daved opens the door and almost falls out. He curses loudly and closes the door. The MUTT fades out and reappears, rotated 180 degrees. Yuri and Daved step out.] YURI What do we do now? DAVED We head for the city. [He grabs her wrist and 'ports them both. They reappear next to a newsstand. One of the headlines reads "I MET THE DIRTY PAIR... AND LIVED! Taukai Man Recounts Terrifying Near-Death Experience". Several people are startled, but no one seems to understand that they've appeared out of nowhere.] YURI Daved, someone's going to notice us! DAVED I doubt it. People usually don't believe what their eyes tell them when I just appear in front of them. And with only three hours to go before the explosion, I really don't-- [Daved recognizes Ackerman, who is only a few steps away and walking toward them. He does the first thing that comes to mind, which is to grab Yuri and kiss her to hide her uniform.] YURI MMM!! Mmm... [Ackerman ignores the "lovers" and walks past.] DAVED I'm really sorry about that! That man there, I-- [Yuri grabs Daved and kisses him again] MMMF! ... YURI You were saying? DAVED Huh? I... uh, that man! He was in the Thornheart complex when I did my recon! YURI Where? That's Ackerman! The guy who set us up! We have to follow him! [Ackerman gets in an aircar and takes off. Yuri hails a taxi, and she and Daved get in the back seat.] Follow that car! DRIVER I don't do spy jobs, lady. [Yuri pulls her gun.] YURI You do now! Drive! DRIVER Whatever you say! DAVED [to Yuri] Kei's rubbing off on you. YURI Shut up! [The taxi follows at a discreet distance, finally approaching a large, fenced-in complex dominated by a black tower.] DRIVER Oh, God, please don't make me go in there! YURI Why not? What is it? DRIVER Some colony of religious nuts! No one goes in, no one comes out! I heard rumors a taxi took a reporter there once. Both the driver and the reporter were never seen again! DAVED Just hover over it for a little while. [The taxi does. Daved grabs Yuri's arm and 'ports them both to the ground.] YURI [looking up] Well, *he's* taking off like a bat out of hell... Now will you tell me why you insisted on my presence? What do you need the Bloody Card for? DAVED I don't. That was just an excuse to get you down here where I can talk to you. YURI Huh?! About what? DAVED I noticed you and Kei were fighting. It doesn't take a genius to guess what the fight was about. YURI Hey, listen--! DAVED No. Me first. This universe is going to cease to exist in less than three hours. Maybe earlier! My superior said he wasn't able to verify the time he gave me. This is really going to happen, Yuri, unless we stop it. And we can't do that if we're at each other's throats. YURI Kei and I will put our differences aside. We always have. DAVED You looked ready to come to blows on the bridge. YURI Well, we hadn't gotten to the "put-our-differences-aside" stage yet. We were still at the "kick-each-other's-butts" stage. DAVED If it makes any difference, I don't prefer either one of you over the other. What happened between Kei and myself just...happened. YURI I'm not mad at *you*! DAVED Well, I don't want you to be mad at Kei, either-- what the--?! [Off in the distance, a large procession of black-robed monks carrying candles can be seen entering the tower.] I'll be damned! I may never get a chance like this again! [Daved takes off his watch and hands it to Yuri.] Fetch Kei. This button will take you back to the Lovely Angel. This one will bring you back here. Hurry! [Daved runs off toward the procession.] YURI HEY! How are we supposed to find you?! Hmph! So much for Mr. Teamwork. [Yuri hits a button and vanishes. Cut to a scientific lab. Hovering in midair above a glowing stand is a colorful pattern that constantly changes. Thornheart is present and looks on in awe.] THORNHEART It's so...beautiful. TECHNICIAN Yes, Father, and powerful. THORNHEART Is everything set? Will it be ready? TECHNICIAN The singularities are already heading for conjunction. Once that occurs, this lever here, moved all the way up, will shunt the effect upstairs to the altar. Then this button will bring about what we have prayed for. THORNHEART The Grand Opening... Rejoice, my son, rejoice! For today we become gods! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: It's the Dirty Pair and Daved vs. Allfather Thornheart and we learn that hell hath no fury like a savior scorned. The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 7 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Daved believes he has found the answer to his case in that of the Dirty Pair, who are also on Lenorica. The Lovely Angel is currently in orbit above Xyfai Island, where artificial black holes are being created by employees of Thornheart Industries. Thornheart himself heads a religious cult and plans to use the singularites in something called the Grand Opening. The Lovely Angel is trapped in orbit due to damage suffered in a recent battle. Daved leads the Angels into his time-vehicle, the MUTT, and basically "stops time" so that they all can rest before the final confrontation. However, Daved can't sleep from nerves, nor can Kei, who is still hurting from an injury suffered earlier. The two talk in the dimly lit room and when Yuri awakes, she finds Kei and Daved asleep together and becomes angry. A fight ensues between Kei and Yuri the next "morning". In an attempt to defuse the situation, Daved takes only Yuri down to the island in the MUTT. The two locate the home of the religious cult. Daved begins to try to talk Yuri out of her anger, but interrupts himself when he sees a procession of monks entering the tower. He gives Yuri his wristwatch, shows her how to use it to teleport to the Lovely Angel and back, and runs off toward the procession. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cut to interior of Lovely Angel. Yuri 'ports in, right in front of Kei.] KEI Wha--?! Yuri? Where's Daved? YURI He decided to play Typical Male Butthead and went running in alone. Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to postpone our fight until after this is over. KEI Yeah, fine, but how are we getting down there? YURI I'm taking you, c'mon! [The girls hold hands] Now it was either this button or this one... [Yuri presses a button. A laser shoots from the watch and burns a hole in a chair.] Heh, heh. Must have been the other one. [Kei and Yuri vanish. Cut to a view of the procession. Untold numbers of black-robed monks carrying candles enter the tower. They look at the ground and mumble chants as they march. At regular intervals, silver-robed hooded guards carrying torches line the route. One of these guards is startled when a yellow energy blade passes through him and he falls unconscious. He is dragged behind a nearby tree and Daved emerges in his robe and torch. As the end of the procession passes each pair of guards, they fall in step with the rest. The procession enters the tower and Daved tries to follow.] GUARD Hey! Where do you think you're going?! DAVED Sorry! I was so excited about the...the Grand Opening that I didn't think. GUARD We're all destined for glory, brother, but ours isn't in that direction. [Two guards come forward and seal the door.] DAVED [under his breath] They're locking them *in*? [The guards march off and Daved follows. Cut to another part of the courtyard, where Kei and Yuri are looking for a way in.] KEI I don't *believe* this! Not even a window! YURI Hey, I think I've figured out how this thing works! [She holds up Daved's watch.] See, there's these three wheels around the edge. I think they set coordinates in three dimensions. And when I turn one, the number on the dial always starts at zero, and can go positive or negative, so I think it's a displacement off my current position. KEI So? You don't know which wheel's for which dimension or how the distance is measured! YURI Well, let's find out! I'll set the first wheel for plus one... [Yuri 'ports about a meter in the air, and lands on her feet.] See, this is a snap! [smiles at Kei] KEI No! Uh-uh! No way! [Cut to interior of the tower. Two guards are standing outside an entrance to the altar-auditorium. Screaming is heard from above, and Kei and Yuri land on the guards, rendering them unconscious.] KEI Ow! My butt! YURI Wow! Talk about luck! C'mon, let's get into their robes! [Cut to altar-auditorium, which is filled with monks facing the altar. On the balcony ringing the auditorium stand the guards, one of whom is Daved. Below, the Angels can be seen sneaking into the crowd in guard's robes. A man in a red robe comes on stage.] REDROBE The Allfather cometh! Glory to the Allfather! MONKS GLORY TO THE ALLFATHER! [There is a blinding flash of light, and Thornheart levitates out of an unseen hole in the altar. He appears to be supported on a pillar of light.] YURI [whispering] How do you think he does that? KEI [whispering] Aaah, given enough field generators and hologram projectors, you can fake anything. [Thornheart tounches down] THORNHEART My children. I stand before you on this joyous occasion, on this day when all of our efforts will at last come to fruition, to thank you. All of you. For the last ten years, we have endured every kind of hardship. Deprivation. Isolation. Ridicule. But you have not faltered. You have stood strong. And because of your strength, your persistence, we stand at the dawning of a new era. The Grand Opening is about to occur! Ever since that day, eleven years ago, when a laboratory accident caused me to be touched by the hand of God Himself, I have striven to bring to the universe the power and glory that I myself have experienced. In less than an hour, a gateway to another dimension will open on this very altar. We shall enter the gateway and be transformed! DAVED [to himself] Transformed, yeah. Transformed into scattering masses of sub-atomic particles. He's crazy! THORNHEART You have all seen what miracles the glory of God has enabled me to perform. But I say unto you, that the power I now have, compared to the power each of you will have after your transformation is like comparing a candle to a raging inferno! And yet, our work does not end today. A plan meant to keep the various authorities from interfering with our great drama was less fruitful than we had hoped. It will force us into the role of warrior earlier than we had planned. But have no fear. I, your Allfather, will be there to guide you. I have faith in all of you. I love you, my children. MONKS GLORY TO THE ALLFATHER! [Thornheart levitates to a platform twenty meters above the stage and walks off.] YURI [whispering] He's going to create an army of supermen and conquer the United Galactica! We have to stop this! [The red-robed man comes back.] REDROBE There will now be instructions from Father Blofert! [A short, wimpy-looking man in a blue robe comes on the stage. Several raspberries are heard, followed by muted laughter.] BLOFERT Alwight! Befowe I begin business, I wish to adwess a swight... pwobwem. It seems pwevious meetings have been wacking a certain... wespect. VOICE Weawwy? [Laughter breaks out, including Daved on the balcony.] BLOFERT SIWENCE!!! I'll have you know, I have been given authowity to deny twoublemakews access to the Gwand Opening! [silence, grumbling] With that in mind, wet us begin wole caw! Bwother Able? VOICE Here! BLOFERT Bwother Athens? VOICE Here! BLOFERT Bwother Atler? VOICE Pwesent! [muted laughter, the roll call continues] YURI [whispering] We need a distraction. [Kei reaches into her robe through the neck and pulls out a grenade.] KEI [whispering] One distraction, coming up! YURI [whispering] You can't throw that thing! They'll see where it came from! KEI [whispering] Who said anything about throwing it? I'm gonna roll it down the floor! No one'll even notice it 'til it goes off! [Kei sets the grenade to timer, pushes the button and rolls the grenade down the aisle. The sound of the grenade rolling starts quietly, but builds to a deafening pitch.] YURI [whispering very sarcastically] Oh, yeahhhhhh! No one'll notice *that*! Way to go, Kei! [Instead of the search for intruders that the girls expect, the whole arena instead explodes into laughter.] BLOFERT WIGHT!! That's the WAST STWAW! I have warned you about wowwing mawbles down the aisle! [He walks down from the stage and picks up the grenade.] Alwight, who does this bewong to?! [He holds it up. Shocked silence.] Wait a minute. This isn't a mawble--- [SHA-BLAMMMM! The grenade goes off, spreading Blofert over the crowd. Panic breaks out. Under this cover, the Angels toss more grenades in different directions to keep the crowd panicked and confused. Several monks manage to set their robes on fire with their candles, and the fire spreads. The Angels whip off their robes and batter and kick their way to the stage/altar.] DAVED Hey! I knew they'd show up! [The guards on the balcony aim their torches at the altar and begin firing laser blasts at the Angels. They fire back, killing one guard and then dive off the stage in that direction.] This thing's a *gun*? GUARD Hey, you! Fire your damn gun! [Daved blasts the guard with the torch. He then draws his Sword, sets it to yellow-stun and throws it. It spins and makes a complete circuit of the balcony, knocking out all the guards, some of whom fall off the balcony, their torches' fuel tanks breaking and adding to the conflagration below. The Sword returns to Daved's hand as Kei and Yuri climb back onto the stage.] KEI Daved! Is that you?! DAVED [stripping off the robe] Yes! Try and find a way under that altar, okay? I'm going after the Allfather! KEI Sure thing! [Daved runs-off.] YURI [mocking] Oh, certainly, Daved-sweetie! Is there anything else I can do? KEI I thought we were postponing the fight! [A technician comes out of a hole in the altar behind Yuri with a gun.] Yuri! [Kei blasts him, knocking him off the altar.] Well, at least we have our way down! YURI Where?! I can't find it! [Cut to Thornheart's loge. Thornheart looks about ready to have a stroke. Ackerman, in his black robe, looks very afraid.] THORNHEART This can't be happening. How can this be happening?! ACKERMAN Father, I didn't know-- [Thornheart wheels to face Ackerman.] THORNHEART You lied to me! You're in league with them! ACKERMAN Father, what--? THORNHEART What did the Dark Ones offer you to betray me? Thirty pieces of silver? Immortality? Well it will avail you not, Judas!!! [Thornheart pulls back his hood, fully revealing his face. He has no eyes, just glowing spots.] ACKERMAN Father, NO!! [Ackerman begins to levitate, writhing and screaming. Daved bursts in, Sword drawn to yellow-stun.] DAVED Game's over, Allfather! Tell your people to shut off those machines! [Thornheart turns to face Daved. Ackerman drops to the ground and escapes via a secret door in the wall.] THORNHEART You! You're responsible for this! You may dress in white, but you don't fool me! You're a demon! [He moves toward Daved, who slashes the Sword through him with no effect.] Your demonic tools can't harm one who has been touched by the hand of righteousness! Die, demon!! [Daved is hurled through the air and crashes through the window of the loge backwards. He begins to plummet the twenty meters to the altar. He whirls in midair and points the Sword at the ground. The blade changes color to blue and extends to touch the floor. The Sword now acts as a pole. By controlling the blade's retraction, Daved slows his descent, but still lands sprawled on his back next to the Angels.] DAVED [looking up] Hi. YURI Great! You can help us look for the way down! [Thornheart comes out of the sky.] THORNHEART EEEEAAAAARRRGGH! [The impact knocks all three heroes off their feet. Kei and Yuri sit up and open fire, but Thornheart blocks the shots with his hand like Darth Vader. He fires an energy bolt from one finger that impales Kei. She collapses.] KEI Ugh! YURI & DAVED KEI!! DAVED You son-of-a-bitch!! [Daved switches the Sword to the green blade and slashes Thornheart with it. He screams but is not cut. His whole body begins to glow.] Uh-oh. [Daved spins the Sword and it hovers in front of him and the Angels as a shield.] THORNHEART DIIIIEEE!!! [Thornheart unleashes a titanic blast from both arms that hits the shield and rebounds as several dozen smaller blasts that hit various parts of the arena. Outside the auditorium, the last remaining monks are crushed to death when the ceiling collapses. Yuri pulls out the Bloody Card and throws it. It misses.] THORNHEART [to Yuri] Pathetic. [Thornheart aims a hand at Yuri. The Bloody Card returns and hits him in the back. He screams! The spot where he was struck catches on fire. As he flails, trying to pull the Card out of his back, Kei comes to life and shoots him in the back, knocking him off the stage.] DAVED [to Kei] Were you playing possum? KEI S-sort of... I s-still feel so c-cold... I...I guess we'd b-better finish him off. DAVED No! Your guns won't really hurt him. We've got to retreat and think about what to do before he re-orients himself! KEI Retreat to where? YURI The entrance! I found it! DAVED That's an idea. [Yuri, Kei, then Daved go through the hatch and down a ladder into the lab below. The remaining technician tries to attack, but Yuri takes him out with a chop to the throat as she descends. Daved notices the swirling pattern of color above the glowing stand.] DAVED Holy--! That's what I'm looking for, alright. KEI Is this guy really who he says he is? DAVED What, the Messiah? I doubt it. KEI No, I mean, some kind of sorceror? DAVED It looks to me like interphased M-waves. YURI Huh? DAVED Multi-dimensional energy, integral to the fabric of the universe. Same stuff that powers my Sword. My guess is that he was trying to tap that energy and got a microscopic portal into the dimension embedded in his body. If he's been channelling that stuff, it's no wonder he's nuts. His brain is probably half-fried. KEI So we know where he gets his juice. How do we stop him? DAVED Well, M-waves extend into three-dimensional space as an ordinary electromagnetic waveform. My Sword is shielded or else you could jam its power source just like a radio signal. I doubt *he's* shielded. All we need is a jamming device. [Kei and Yuri glance at each other.] KEI & YURI Mughi! DAVED No kidding? Great! I'll go get him! Give me my controller! [Yuri takes off the watch and hands it to him. He 'ports out.] YURI Hey! What about--? [The hatch is smashed open and it falls to the floor.] Kei, act unconscious. He may not know you're okay. [Kei sprawls on the floor. Thornheart jumps down into the lab, the Bloody Card still sticking out from a smoking spot on his back.] THORNHEART ERAAGH! YURI Make a move and I blast your equipment! [Thornheart turns to Yuri, smiles, and spreads his hands in an "okay, you win" gesture. Yuri's gun flies into Thornheart's hand and disintegrates with a flash. He approaches her. Kei opens her eyes.] THORNHEART You silly bitch. [Daved returns with Mughi. Thornheart turns to the arrivals. Daved again spins the Sword to act as a shield. Thornheart points his hands.] DAVED Go ahead, idiot, blast away! It'll ricochet and destroy everything in the lab! C'mon Mughi, find the frequency! [Mughi wiggles his ears. Thornheart frowns and cocks his head. Behind Daved a power cord pops out of its outlet.] YURI Daved! Behind you! [The power cord wraps itself around Daved's neck and squeezes. Yuri tries to tackle Thornheart, but is thrown back by some force the instant she touches him. Daved, choking, tries to pull the cord away but has no luck.] THORNHEART [crying] Why do you all fight me so? All I wanted to do was introduce the galaxy to wonder, beauty, and glory. Is that so wrong? Is that so bloody WRONG?! KEI [sitting up] YES!! [She shoots him in the face, knocking him back. The cord loosens and Daved gets free, gasping. Thornheart's body begins to shimmer.] THORNHEART NO!! NOOOO!! What are you DOING!!! YURI Mughi's doing it! THORNHEART NOO!!! NOOOOOOOOooooo.... [Thornheart glows, then collapses to a small point and vanishes. The Bloody Card falls to the floor.] DAVED Wow. I didn't expect that. Good work, big guy. [He pats Mughi, then retrieves his still-spinning Sword, retracts it and puts it on his belt. Yuri picks up the Card.] YURI Hey! It's okay! KEI Greeeeeat. DAVED Well, that's a wrap! KEI You mean we did it? DAVED Yep! YURI The universe won't explode? DAVED I doubt it. This had to be it. Couldn't be two things this dangerous on the planet. YURI Great. Then I don't have to talk to her anymore. [Yuri walks up the ladder, leaving behind an upset Kei and a stunned Daved.] DAVED Wonderful. A happy ending. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next: It ain't over yet, folks! A slip in communication could mean the end of all life everywhere. This, plus the tying of a few loose ends, all in the explosive conclusion to "Big Bang"! The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. THE DIRTY PAIR in "Big Bang" by Ryan Mathews introducing Daved, THE UNIVERSAL PART 8 Our story so far: Daved, an inter-universal time-traveller, is dispatched to the planet Lenorica in the Angels' universe to somehow prevent the universe from exploding. Kei and Yuri are also involved in a case on Lenorica, and the three eventually combine forces. Their case has brought them to Xyfai Island, where employees of Thornheart, an industrialist and leader of a religious cult, have been manufacturing artificial black holes in an attempt to open up a portal to another dimension, through which all the members of the cult would walk and supposedly be transformed into super-beings. The Lovely Angel is trapped in orbit from damage, and just before our three heroes are to take Daved's time-ship, the MUTT, down to the surface, Daved makes the mistake of having a romantic interlude with Kei, which angers Yuri. Nonetheless, the three team up and, after a battle with the cult's followers that sets the main altar room on fire, confront the super-powered Thornheart in the lab containing the portal-opening device. Daved teleports Mughi down from the Lovely Angel to destroy Thornheart by jamming his power source. The threat apparently at an end, Yuri picks up her anger where she left off and storms out of the lab, leaving Kei, Mughi, and Daved behind. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- DAVED Kei, I've got to start 'porting everyone back. Could you shut this thing down? KEI I'll take care of it. DAVED Meet me upstairs. C'mon, Mughi. [Cut to interior of Ackerman's aircar. He makes a call and a man's face appears on a screen.] ACKERMAN DiPietro? It's Ackerman. I'm going to need some holovideos made, *fast*. [Cut to altar. The auditorium is in flames. Daved stands alone, Sword drawn to yellow-stun.] DAVED Kei, are you done yet? I'm not sure we're safe here! KEI I'm almost--okay! [Kei comes up through the hatch and Daved 'ports them both to the door of the MUTT. They enter. Yuri, sitting on the living room couch, looks away. Kei and Daved enter the control room. The viewscreen is still only static.] KEI Where's Mughi? DAVED I took him straight back to the Lovely Angel. I thought we'd take a more leisurely route. That's odd... [He fiddles with the controls] What's with the interference? KEI Shouldn't the screen be clear? DAVED Well, no. The interference won't completely disappear until I either leave this universe or pass the point in time at which the explosion would've taken place. But still... If I remember my physics right, a super-luminary event, travelling backwards in time into a past which no longer contains it, should be muted. In other words, it should've cleared up a little. You did shut down that machine, didn't you? KEI Oh, I shut it down alright! [Daved slowly turns around.] DAVED You... You didn't...*destroy* the machine, did you? KEI Why? DAVED Oh...my...god... KEI I--I was angry, and you said to shut it down! DAVED Yes! Shut it down! As in literally! As in press a button, pull a switch, yank a plug! Not as in blow it to pieces! Oh my god! How much time? [checks his watch] Twenty minutes!! Oh my god! KEI I--I don't understand! DAVED Did you think those singularities were just going to go away? If you had cut the power, there would've been a controlled drain-off of energy. But now the Grand Opening is going to take place anyway, with nothing to control it! It'll keep expanding Thornheart's "gateway" until it rips the universe apart!! KEI I--I didn't know... DAVED No, no, of course you didn't... This is all my fault, I should've have been more clear, I should've been there, I--I, oh god... [Daved once again hears his Administrator: "...you won't take anyone with you".] Kei... please leave me. I have to think. KEI Daved, I-- DAVED GET OUT!! [Kei runs out of the room. Daved rubs his face and eyes as he thinks.] I gave my word... I'm a good professional... It's my job. "Don't get involved with aspects," they say. "The friend you make today you may have to erase from existence tomorrow." [Daved forces his face into a semblence of composure and walks out into the living room.] Kei, Yuri? Please step outside. [The Angels exit the MUTT. Daved starts to close the door.] YURI Daved, what are you doing? [Daved stops. He looks at the Angels, then steps outside and closes the door.] DAVED Breaking my word. [Cut to the lab. The main device is in pieces. The swirling color effect is now reaching the ceiling and looks more violent and menacing. Daved 'ports in with Kei, then 'ports out and returns with Yuri.] YURI What are we going to do? DAVED I don't know. God, look at that thing. YURI You don't know?! DAVED Just--just walk around the lab. Tell me anything that sounds interesting or odd. [The girls start looking as Daved examines the wreckage.] KEI Interdimensional phase accelerator. DAVED Won't help us. YURI Here's some readout. It says that two singularities have been placed in conjunction and the third is ready for processing. DAVED Third? Let me see that... My god, we might just have a chance. It seems the device Kei destroyed was just for stabilizing the gateway. This one puts the singularities where they belong. If I can just figure out how this thing works... [Daved examines the controls as the girls watch. Kei gets increasingly restless.] Okay, okay. Now access the third singularity... Alright, Daved, let's pretend it's your final exam in interdimensional physics. YURI What are you trying to do? DAVED Thornheart's scientists were trying to open a portal into another dimension by sending two microscopic black holes on a collision course, with incredibly precise velocities. I'm going to try to send the third black hole on a course that will precisely cancel the other collision. KEI Isn't there anything we can do? DAVED Yes, if you believe in any deities, you might start praying to them. I've never done anything like this before. I have no idea if it'll work. KEI What...what if it doesn't? DAVED Then we'll all die. [Kei starts to break down.] KEI Oh god, Yuri. We really *are* the Dirty Pair! This--this is our grand finale! "The Dirty Pair Destroy All Life Everywhere! How Will They Top This, Experts Ask?" YURI Kei... KEI What have I done? Oh god, what have I done?! [Kei breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably. Yuri holds her. Daved, engrossed in his work, doesn't notice.] DAVED That's it! There's going to be a big explosion even if it does work, so we'd better get out of here... [Daved finally notices what's happening.] Oh... Listen, don't be too upset. I mean... we all knew something like this was going to happen anyway, right? If the Allfather had gone through with his plan there would probably have been a malfunction. So... Let's just get the hell out of here. Who's first? YURI Kei is. [Daved holds Kei's hand and presses a button on his wristwatch. Nothing happens. He tries again. Nothing.] DAVED Shit. The tachyon interference. It's gotten so bad, I can't communicate with the MUTT. YURI Why do you need to? DAVED The MUTT does all the work, even during teleportation. The controller is just a communicator. KEI So how're we gonna get out?! YURI The hard way, I guess. [Cut to altar. The auditorium is now an inferno. The altar is the only safe spot in the room as a moat of flame surrounds it. The three come out of the hole and start to choke on the smoke.] KEI This is the hard way, all right. DAVED Ackerman had some secret way out from the Allfather's loge. And that platform he levitated to, I'm sure I saw some kind of chain ladder attached to it. If can get up there... YURI I can't even see it! DAVED Neither can I. This'll take guesswork. [Daved walks to the edge of the altar. He sets the Sword's blade to blue-solid and holds it like a pole-vaulter. He takes several running steps, plants the blade and vaults, extending the blade. He overshoots the edge of the platform and makes a painful landing. He retracts the blade and looks over the edge. Nothing is visible through the smoke.] DAVED Kei, Yuri! I made it! [Daved moves to put the Sword back on his belt but is hit in the back with an inoperative torch-gun wielded by a guard that has regained consciousness. Daved stumbles forward and drops the Sword, which falls over the edge.] NOOOO! [Daved reflexively grabs for the Sword and misses. The guard again whacks him in the back, driving him to his knees.] YURI Daved? What's happening? [The Sword falls onto the altar.] KEI Oh, NO! Daved! [The guard kicks Daved, rolling him over the edge. Daved holds on with both hands. The guard takes the torch and slams Daved's right hand. Daved screams and lets go, now holding on only with his left. The guard holds the torch over his head.] GUARD AAAAARRRRRRRRR--HULGK! [A laser bolt shoots the guard right through the chest. He clutches the wound, stumbles, and falls off the platform into the flames. Daved pulls himself back up and throws down the ladder.] KEI Daved! Are you okay! DAVED Yes! Don't come up! I'm coming down! I have to find my Sword! YURI I've got your damn Sword! We're coming up! [Kei and Yuri climb up.] DAVED Thanks for the save, Kei. How did you make that shot? KEI He yelled. [Cut to Thornheart's loge. It, too, is smokey, thanks to the hole in the window. Kei, Yuri, and Daved enter and start looking for the secret passageway.] DAVED It's somewhere over here... Maybe a floor tile... [A hidden panel in the wall slides open and the three enter. Cut to a tunnel. A single train track runs through it, with a small car on the track. The three exit a door, run to the car, and pile in. The car accelerates fast, then approaches a wall of debris.] YURI Oh, no! Tunnel's collapsed! Kei, make me a hole! [Kei draws her gun and bores a hole in the rock. With a perfect toss, Yuri lobs a grenade into the hole. The debris explodes into smaller pieces and the car smashes through, outracing the new collapse behind it. Farther on down the line, the car stops.] KEI Out of power! YURI [pointing ahead] Isn't that an escape hatch? [The three emerge into a grassy area. They are far enough away from the tower that it cannot be seen. Now that the action is over, Yuri once again has trouble looking at Kei.] YURI What do we do now? DAVED We wait. In... [checks his watch] ...about a minute, we'll either see a big explosion or we'll just cease to exist. KEI I'm not afraid. I'll meet my end like a WWWA trouble consultant should: proud and defiant. [pause] DAVED Frankly, I'm terrified. [longer pause] KEI Yeah... Me, too. Yuri...please let's not die mad at each other. You're the best friend I ever had. In fact, for a long time, you were the *only* friend I had. Please...please don't stay mad at me. [Yuri turns to face Kei. She is crying.] YURI How could I stay mad at you? After all we've been through? You're like a sister to me, Kei. Sometimes you drive me crazy, but through it all... Well, you've been the best friend I ever had, too. I--I love you, Kei. KEI I love you, too, Yuri. [The girls hug. Daved looks at the sky, lost in thought.] DAVED [under his breath] I don't know what's worse. That I didn't leave them like I was supposed to, or that I almost did. God... If I survive this thing, maybe I should take a look at my career. [pause] I can't die yet. I never said goodbye. It's been twenty years, and I never said goodbye to her. [The girls notice Daved.] KEI Daved? YURI Come here. [He does, and the three hold each other. A close-up of Daved's watch shows 00:00:06-5-4-3-2-1- BOOOOOM!!!! The tower vanishes in a brilliant flash of light. The explosion appears to be several megatons in magnitude. Daved hits a button on his watch and the MUTT appears. The three enter and close the door. The MUTT fades out a split-second before the shockwave hits, tearing the ground apart. Cut to Universe Ten, Main Scanning Room. Jayk's console. He is watching one screen intently. Suddenly he starts.] JAYK He did it. HE DID IT!! [gets up and shouts] Hey, everyone!! Daved DID IT!! He fixed the exploding universe!! [cheers break out] [Cut to control room of the MUTT. The main screen, now crystal-clear, shows the immense mushroom cloud that resulted from the explosion which has obliterated Xyfai Island.] DAVED I didn't think the explosion would be *that* powerful. Wiped out a whole city... KEI You get used to it... Or numb to it... Or not... YURI Navigating this thing's easy now, right? DAVED Piece of cake. YURI Then could you drop us off in Taukai? Specifically in front of the Taukai Security Center? We have a little unfinished business. [Cut to Ackerman's office. The door bursts open and the Angels storm in.] ACKERMAN I wondered when you'd arrive. KEI John Ackerman, you are hereby under arrest in the name of the Worlds Welfare Work Association! The charges are willful endangerment of a planetary population and conspiracy to abduct and murder agents of the WWWA! You will surrender peacefully and-- ACKERMAN No, I don't think so. In fact, I quite believe you're going to leave Lenorica and forget you ever heard of me! Or, if you'd prefer, I could send the 3WA copies of this. [Ackerman presses a button and a holographic video plays above his desk. The city troops in the Thornheart complex appear to be peacefully discussing the situation when Kei and Yuri whip out their guns and slaughter them. Six City Air Force jets are flying along when the Lovely Angel attacks for no apparent reason.] YURI But it didn't happen that way! Those videos are edited, anyone can tell that! ACKERMAN Oh, really? Look at this one! [An armed aircar flies through a busy shopping mall, firing everywhere. As the car flies by, Kei can be seen at the controls, laughing with delight.] KEI You son-of-a-bitch! [She pulls her gun.] ACKERMAN Come now girls, killing me won't help you. If anything happens to me, these holovideos go straight to the 3WA. And I have a feeling they'd just *love* a good excuse to pull your badges! [Ackerman grins. The Angels fume. Cut to the MUTT's living room.] DAVED And there's nothing you can do about it? YURI Well, if we had copies of those files that told about the holographic scanning device, sure! But we were kicked out before we could download them! DAVED Hmm. You cracked Thornheart's system once. Think you could do it again? YURI Well, they probably changed the system around-- DAVED Suppose they hadn't? Suppose it was exactly the same system? YURI It would be simple. No one would even know I'd been in. DAVED That's what I wanted to hear! Put on your travelin' clothes, ladies! We're going to the past! [Cut to a holo program - a newscast] ANCHOR A heavy newsday for Taukai. Our top story -- Taukai Security Director John Ackerman was arrested by officers of the WWWA on charges that he helped Thornheart Industries cover up their use of Lenorica as a testing ground for artificial black holes and that he conspired to murder two agents of the WWWA. If convicted on all counts, Ackerman could face up to five hundred and seventy years in prison. The case was cracked by none other than the WWWA's Lovely Angels, also known as the "Dirty Pair", whose presence on Lenorica may explain the immense explosion that wiped out-- [SMASH! A boot flies through the screen. Cut to living quarters of the Lovely Angel. The MUTT is parked in the room.] KEI *Damn* them! Even when they give us credit, the media treats us like dirt! YURI Did you have to do that, Kei? KEI Aaa, we needed a new one anyway. YURI Fine. You can be the one to tell Mughi he's going to miss his soaps. [Daved comes out of the MUTT.] DAVED Well, it's official! I've just gotten word from my superiors that this universe is *not* going to explode. It has a nice long future ahead of it! YURI That's good to hear. KEI Oh! Daved, I need to talk to you. [Kei leads Daved back into the MUTT and closes the door.] Daved, I've been thinking a lot about what happened... DAVED Me too. KEI I hope you won't be upset, but... Well, I think we should just be friends. Okay? DAVED I think so too. [They hug.] Among other things, it will make it easier to say goodbye. KEI Goodbye? [Cut back to Lovely Angel. Kei and Daved exit the MUTT.] DAVED How much longer are you going to be stuck in orbit? YURI The 3WA's coming in about a day to pick up Ackerman from Lenorica Federal Prison. They're bringing along a tug and a repair crew. DAVED That's good. Look, there's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. I'm leaving. YURI Oh... Where are you going? DAVED Home. Today was the closest call with death I've had in a long time. I just need to go home and think some things over. And home for me is the twentieth century. KEI Will we ever see you again? DAVED Well, I'll probably be the primary Traveller assigned to your universe, now that it has a future, so I don't doubt that our paths will cross again. But who knows when that will be? Anyway, it's been a real blast working with you. I'm really going to miss you. [The three hug.] Oh, and tell Mughi to stay away from soft music. You don't want him falling asleep at the controls. YURI (laughs) I will. DAVED Goodbye. KEI & YURI Goodbye. [Daved enters the MUTT. It fades out with an electronic hum.] KEI And just like that, he's gone. YURI Yeah... Okay, let's get to work! KEI What?! YURI I want to get a head start on the repairs! KEI Aw, come on, can't we do something else? YURI Like what? You smashed the 3V! [Cut to a view of the Lovely Angel in orbit. Slowly pan back as we hear the Angels in voice-over. The voices get fainter as we pan back.] KEI We could practive our moves! YURI No, thank you! I've had enough action for one day! KEI You're just afraid I'll kick your butt! YURI What?! Get real! KEI BAWK-BUK-BUK-BUK! Yuri's a chicken! YURI I'm warning you! KEI Defend yourself! HIII-YA! YURI KAIII-HA! [sound of something breaking] Now look what you did! KEI That wasn't my fault! [Fade to black] T H E E N D --------------------------------------------------------------------- The Universal, including Daved, the MUTT, the Sword, Universe Ten and all related characters, are Copyright (c) 1991 Ryan Mathews. If you have comments, questions, or are missing previous parts, send me email. ---------- Ryan Mathews -- Internet : mathews@cs.buffalo.edu Bitnet : mathews@sunybcs UUCP : {apple,cornell,decwrl,harvard,rutgers,talcott,ucbvax,uunet}! cs.buffalo.edu!mathews